Friday, February 17, 2012

Mitt's Dark and Dirty Past - What, You're Surprised?

We all got 'em, we all want 'em to disappear, and we all dread the moment they show up on the evening news.

Mitt wants us to know he isn't interested in the poor, which, to my mind, sort of went without saying. But to be sure no one misrepresented him, he done gone and said it. So there. Phtttppbbbbtttttt! As for the rich, he doesn't want to worry about them, because that would be like saying he was feeling rather poorly himself, so better keep mum on that particular demographic. Bt apparently he does care about the middle class, which sort of affirms the class warfare attitude the Repubs have been railing against, but deep in their hearts, planning on fighting to win - the class warfare, I mean. And because to the victor goes the spoils, well, the race to drain the middle class of whatever spoils haven't already been taken by the Corporate Pirates is going great guns.

But we must wonder about Mitt's general hold on reality, when the same day he dumps the poor overboard, he allows himself to be vetted by the Trumpster. "...I don't careabout the rich.." provides an odd little counterpoint to appearing in mutual triumphalism with Mr. Plastic Hair himself. But given Mitt's generally plasticine face and persona, The Donald's hair did sort of complete the picture. Was this merely a subtle wink to the rich, to the effect that, "smoke and mirrors, boys, smoke and mirrors?" Because otherwise, tone-deaf comes strongly to mind.

Mitt really does need to start worrying about any skeletons. Despite the conventional "wisdom" that his stable marriage, breeders cup-level offspring quotient, and smiling shark persona, anybody that has been the Bain of so many people's livelihoods has made some enemies, and they are sure to start popping up shortly. Because as much as John Kerry got slammed with the "flip-flopper" label, Mitt has laid the groundwork to kick Kerry off his winner's pedestal forever. It was from the Swifty-Boats we learned that every time you flip-flop, another pissed-off constituent surfaces. Or in the case of some others, of both parties, that "inconvenient affair/indiscretion/bathroom sex romp pops up like whack-a-mole. And with a remarkably similar outcome.

Mitt Goes to Vegas, Loses Bundle

We know the house always wins, but apparently it takes a really big spender to have something left to take home. If it doesn't blow up in their face, that is.

Mittens is doing Sin City in a really big way. Given how his various donors to his SuperPAC have ponied up (96% of which comes from less than twenty donors, ya'll) you might think he was prepared to double down in order to spank the Newt and the other laggards at the table - and you'd be right! Citizens United will be on every one's Thank You list this year, that much is certain. And it's a nice counterpoint (or bookend, if you will) to his stated position of not being concerned about the poor. He was definitely telling the truth on that part of the statement, yet lying his scratchy long johns off regarding the rest of that statement - he is clearly concerned about the rich. Especially that they keep the grub-stake coming his way.

But you have to love the reactions (absolutely predictable, of course) to the Prez deciding he will not stand in the way of a Democratic Party SuperPAC, given how the playing field is now set for 3-card Monte. It really doesn't matter what he says or does - the Repo Men are never going to give him credit for anything. But, liar's dice is one of the most popular sports at all the bars along the campaign trail.

And then there is all the absurdist claims like voting for the Prez is "racist." Careful there, folks - that dog barks out both ends! I mean, look how big a percentage of white folk are voting for the Repubs - sure aren't that many black faces in those caucuses. And, since people tend to vote for the party or person they feel represents them, it might pay to be careful which constituencies you decide to blow off.

And if you really want to see someone getting caught cheating at the craps table, check out today's quote: "Today, unelected judges cast aside the will of the people of California who voted to protect traditional marriage," he (Mitten's, of course) said in a written statement. "I believe marriage is between a man and a woman and, as president, I will protect traditional marriage and appoint judges who interpret the Constitution as it is written and not according to their own politics and prejudices." Right. All in one quote, and not a word out of context. First, cast aspersions upon "unelected judges" who, by the US Constitution, are ALWAYS appointed. And then, claim boldly that you, if elected, will appoint your own, er, "unelected judges." Who, I am quite certain, will "interpret the Constitution as it is written and not (right, uh-huh) according to their own politics and prejudices," but certainly according to politics and prejudices of the one what brung them to the dance.

You really need to be careful of the very politician you decide to stand behind at the Election Casino. After all, roulette is a brutal game. Especially when the barrel points back your way.

Now that's gotta hurt!

Ricki-tiki-tavi, a Retelling

With apologies to Kipling, and to the rest of the world. 

Now, Nag and Nagina, two quite formidable snakes, thought they were in control of the Party. And they plotted to hold ransom the People of the Party, to better enable their Snakelings to run all the other Parties out of the Garden. They were aided in their plot by enlisting another, smaller Snake, Karait, in their Crusade to control the Party. They would rail loudly about how the Other Party was Poisoning the well of Ideals, and how the other Party was plotting to force all the Snakes to get rid of their Fangs. But the Snakes argued that to give up their Fangs would be to give up their very Freedom to bite, which everyone knew was a King Snake-given right!

Now, Nag and Nagina had one weakness - they couldn't stop nagging each other, and they never had anything positive to offer to the Other Parties in the Garden. And this nagging and negativism led many in their own Party to have Grave Misgivings about the ability of either Nag or Nagina to lead the Party and force the other Party to bow down or leave the Garden. And thus, the Party was loathe to extend their Vote to either Nag and Nagina. And as for Karait, well, he was such small potatoes that the Party laughed behind his back. But the Party was worried, because they had an Agenda, and they felt none of the Snake candidates had what it took to faithfully carry out the Crusade with the proper zeal and Purity of Purpose. And so they sulked, not happy with any kind of "Plan B" approach to the problem.

One day, during the campaign, when many were sorely vexed by this dilemma, a sudden blur of fur and Purity of Purpose appeared in the middle of the Garden. There before the assembled Party stood in all his ten-inch glory, a young-ish mongoose, who went by the name of Ricki-Ticki-Tavi. The Party went crazy for this young-ish Holy Terror, his fur glistening with Righteousness and Zeal by the bucket-load. Here, surely, was the Right Leader to lead the Party, vanquish the other Parties, and chase the Snakes from the Garden. They also really loved his furry vestments.

Everyone was so delighted by this turn of events that they failed to notice the Snakes come up behind Ricki-Tiki-Tavi, and pooling their quite formidable resources of money and fangs, leaped as one onto poor Ricki's back, and strangled him in front of the assembled Party. The Snakes then turned their terrible gaze upon the rest of the Party, and demanded they make a choice right now, or they would drag the battle into overtime. The Party, unable to decide, found it's entire premise of the Crusade being called into question, and come election day, the Party found itself constricted in it's choices, and many just stayed home and watched The Voice.

The morale of the story is simple: Hoping for a Snake to lead you will just leave you once bitten, and thrice shy. Or, as Bullwinkle might say it, Three Snakes in the grass are barely worth even one Bush.

Santorum Spanked, Rather Likes It

My religion requires I beat up on absolutely anyone who does not think the way I want them to. Oh, yours doesn't?

That he believes women need to keep their place is no surprise. But like his tax returns, he refuses to tell us where the "place" actually is. Bed? The kitchen? The boardroom? Pregnant with only Christian children? Well, three out of four ain't bad, but it still remains a mystery.

And we also no know that Darling Ricky doesn't take kindly to protesters - unless they are HIS protesters, which of course matter more than those OWS-types, because they drink tea, one supposes. It is of course his prerogative, being so godly and all, but one wonders whether the idea of trying to woo new voters, er, converts has crossed his mind. As a candidate, playing to one's base is fine at the beginning of the froo-fra, but he is so steadily ticking off the great mass of Independents that by the time (assuming he actually does) he gets the nom-nod, he'll be pretty well pickled in his own righteousness. Not good, folks, not good.

What I am enjoying so very much about all this back and forth Right Wing Dancing Bear and Hog Jowls Eating Contest is is the level of hubris rising to dizzying new heights. Nobody really measures up to the standards applied by the Righteous Right, and they just can't seem to flush Mr. (Sorry, no Ms., or Mrs. for this lot) Perfect Conservative out of the wood pile. So no matter which one of these Boy-Howdy's get "selected," the whole bunch is stuck with a third-rate choice they don't really trust, and don't really think can beat That Black Guy come November. It seems that by aiming their guns so high and so narrow, they thought that their savior might arrive on a beam of light, and a hearty Right-O, Silver! sadly, they are going to be bitter, and be forced to wear Ash croft, er, cloth, and Mormon shirts, and be hammered (and not in a good way) by a plague of newts. Their going to have to change the name of the party to GOTP - God's Old Testament Party. Though I suspect that party will run short of party favors faster than they'd like - somebody's going to do a lot of begatting, and most of the rest a lot of be-paying.

Well, at least it's solidly biblical, eh?

Santorum Goes Megadeath - And It's Catchy!

Unholy alliances are still worth considering, especially if you are trying to beat the other guy at all costs.

Well, it's official - Ricky Santorum has gotten the most heavenly endorsement yet - from Megadeath. That's right, the heavy metal head slammers who brought such delightfully religious albums such as their fifth outing, titled "Countdown to Death," and songs like the delightfully titled "Into The Lungs of Hell." Of course, who can forget the great "Ashes in Your Mouth," with the fine evangelical chorus,

"Now we've rewritten history
The one thing we've found out
Sweet taste of vindication
It turns to ashes in your mouth"

Perhaps Santorum can use another song from Megadeath as it's official campaign "juice up the crowd" anthem - "Evil That's Within," with its truly catchy ending,

"Evil, evil
Evil, deep in me
Evil, let me be
Evil, let me bleed
Evil, set me free
Evil, set me free
Evil, set me free
The evil that's within"

Isn't it really time we had an honest candidate? And besides pumping up the troops, Megadeath even offers some sage political campaign advice, especially for beating Mitt and The Kids for the nomination:

"Beaten, broken, in bloody rags
Adding insult to injury, he recants
But it's much too late, now let the torture begin
Death by the head crusher, Head Crusher!"

Yes, that is directly from the great political tract by Megadeath, titled, "Head Crusher."

Just think of the political mileage a candidate could get with such a wholesome image! And just in time for the Holy Crusades!