Ricki-tiki-tavi, a Retelling

With apologies to Kipling, and to the rest of the world. 

Now, Nag and Nagina, two quite formidable snakes, thought they were in control of the Party. And they plotted to hold ransom the People of the Party, to better enable their Snakelings to run all the other Parties out of the Garden. They were aided in their plot by enlisting another, smaller Snake, Karait, in their Crusade to control the Party. They would rail loudly about how the Other Party was Poisoning the well of Ideals, and how the other Party was plotting to force all the Snakes to get rid of their Fangs. But the Snakes argued that to give up their Fangs would be to give up their very Freedom to bite, which everyone knew was a King Snake-given right!

Now, Nag and Nagina had one weakness - they couldn't stop nagging each other, and they never had anything positive to offer to the Other Parties in the Garden. And this nagging and negativism led many in their own Party to have Grave Misgivings about the ability of either Nag or Nagina to lead the Party and force the other Party to bow down or leave the Garden. And thus, the Party was loathe to extend their Vote to either Nag and Nagina. And as for Karait, well, he was such small potatoes that the Party laughed behind his back. But the Party was worried, because they had an Agenda, and they felt none of the Snake candidates had what it took to faithfully carry out the Crusade with the proper zeal and Purity of Purpose. And so they sulked, not happy with any kind of "Plan B" approach to the problem.

One day, during the campaign, when many were sorely vexed by this dilemma, a sudden blur of fur and Purity of Purpose appeared in the middle of the Garden. There before the assembled Party stood in all his ten-inch glory, a young-ish mongoose, who went by the name of Ricki-Ticki-Tavi. The Party went crazy for this young-ish Holy Terror, his fur glistening with Righteousness and Zeal by the bucket-load. Here, surely, was the Right Leader to lead the Party, vanquish the other Parties, and chase the Snakes from the Garden. They also really loved his furry vestments.

Everyone was so delighted by this turn of events that they failed to notice the Snakes come up behind Ricki-Tiki-Tavi, and pooling their quite formidable resources of money and fangs, leaped as one onto poor Ricki's back, and strangled him in front of the assembled Party. The Snakes then turned their terrible gaze upon the rest of the Party, and demanded they make a choice right now, or they would drag the battle into overtime. The Party, unable to decide, found it's entire premise of the Crusade being called into question, and come election day, the Party found itself constricted in it's choices, and many just stayed home and watched The Voice.

The morale of the story is simple: Hoping for a Snake to lead you will just leave you once bitten, and thrice shy. Or, as Bullwinkle might say it, Three Snakes in the grass are barely worth even one Bush.

Welcome to the Sanatorum

This has to be the epitome of taking cover behind the fat boys. Let the ten pins get knocked over one after another, and just stay in the eleventh pin position, and all will come to those who wait. Or some such. First, knock over Perry, then knock over Cain, then Bachman, etc., etc., etc., and of course Gingrich, with Romney remaining the favorite also-ran, or better yet, Plan B. And then, one fine winter's day, you wake up to find:

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;

The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,

And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;

But there is no joy in Right Wing Heaven— mighty Santorum finally sticks out.

When the 2011-2012 Primary Deep Fry and Cherry Coke Jubilee finally closes shop, most likely sometime in 2015, all will wonder what the hell that was all about, anyway. Perhaps nothing more than a case of indigestion, or worse, a new form of Ebola virus masquerading as Real Politik.


How does the Far Wrong think it will con, er, convince Independents and "moderate Republicans" (read: Turncoats) they should be taken seriously, let alone represent a valid alternative to President Obama, when they keep playing Musical Clowns? Santorum now is having his Crowning Moment, just as all the others have, and all in the increasingly futile hope that they can pull off an "Anybody But Romney" hat trick. Who's next - The Other Mormon? Fat chance - Mormons apparently scare the Wrong Wing Evangelical Paper Hat Party worse than That Black Guy does. Who knew? At this point, the only thing they could hope for to take a win in 2012 is if Obama converts.


I do have to say one thing, Santorum is about as Milquetoast as you can get, which perhaps explains why he's gone this far. It is clear that the Far Wrong really seeks one thing above all others: a tabula rasa where they can implant their Radical Wrong Code Of Hamandrye, thus guaranteeing the final solution to the Constitution: replacing it with Scripture as written by Grover the Norquistical, He Who Must Be Obeyed.


After all - why pick a Mormon when you can settle for a Moron?

Don't Ask, Don't Yell - The Eternal Party of "NO" Finally Comes Out of the Closet

Ya gotta love those Repugnants - they sure are Olympic-level champions of the insincere deflected question. Every time someone asks them what it is they "really want" (as though we all don't know!) regarding the health careless system, they always respond with things on the order of "As long as the Democrats refuse to compromise, there is no room for discussion." Uh, right - its the fault of everyone else - the Repugs didn't break the economy - Little Jimmy Obama did. Its not the Repugs who won't compromise on the bill, its the Dems who keep saying poopy things about poor, downtrodden, helpless little ol' us!

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh -uh -no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. These jokers are on the loosing bobsled team of the present day, and they intend on dragging the whole country down with them if they can't play the game their way. Screw everyone else - we're taking our (and your) ball and going home to where the lobbyists roam. Typical bully behavior.

Ya know, I am not as sure as most seem to be that the tea party will have room at the table for some of these bozos later on. See, the problem with creating extreme polarization is, it damns you, too. You may THINK its giving you an advantage, but sooner or later, its gonna bite you right in the asinine ideals you try to shove down everyone else's throats. Take this idea of reconcilliation, for example. The Repugnants know what it is - they've used it themselves to ram stuff down the Nation's throats fully 18 times since the 1980s, including the infamous Gingrich "Contract on America." And look how long THAT lasted. Not to mention the enmity it created not much later among the voting populace.

So now it looks as though the Demoncrats will have to resort to the same device to get any damn thing done in this "not on our goddam watch" minority-controlled Congress. Wow. And here all this time they've been railing against minorities - turns out, they just wanted to be one themselves. Aww, its OK, all is forgiven, come on in for a round of kumbaya, ya'll!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (you know, the one where all the cowboys are out of work and paying through their saddle sores for hernia repair), the rest of us total suckers keep kissing the butts of one corporate greed-rapist after another, only to find out they left us high and dry in the morning. Granted - they DID come back in the evening to finish the repossession, but all we ended up with was a more severe case of SDTs - Spit on, Dumped on, and Taken. , and I don't mean for a ride in the country, I mean taking the country for a long ride off a short pier.

So here is a small suggestion for both "parties" who think we are the party to take their favors from - back off. You were hired (yeah, yeah, "elected" - gimme a break - you were hired by the special interests who bought the "election" for you - we ain't THAT stoopid,) to be OUR representatives, and to do the job FOR THE COUNTRY,  not for you and your "special friends." So get back to work, doing the real people's work. And right quick, ya dig? You may THINK you have everything sewn up for a coup in the midterm "elections," but don't say we didn't warn ALL of you.

Things have a funny way of doing the opposite of what you want them to do. Especially with the voters.

Toodles.