Oh, Great. Now the Crows Are Gonna Poop on Everything!

Ever notice how some species get all in a huff when they don't get their way? And then when they DO get their way, they are still in some version of a huff? Or how some creatures just can't help but wallow in their own self-aggrandizement? (Sorry - I know it's a bit early for the big words, but I need to get them out of the way early in the day, ya dig?) Anyhoo - the Repugnicants are in full fluff over their twin wins - another Brownie scout, and the latest hit record from the Supremes, wherein their fat cat corporate lap dancers can spew their zillions all over the landscape helping the Far Wrong further drill its nasty little dental drill into the brains of every citizen, without restriction. 'Course, so can the other side, but we know where the biggest trough is and whose allowed at its swill.

And will they be even a wee bit magnanimous in their victory dance? Does the Pope s**t in the woods? Can a bear do a passing imitation of Grover Cleavland at the Ice Capades? Come on - why even bother trying to answer the question, eh,  Bubba? Nah,their gonna rub everyone's face in this stinkin' pile for the entire foreseeable future. Just like they do every day. Big surprise.

But lets not tell them about the price of hubris, what say? 'Cause every time the bozitos fly too close to their own golden sphincters,  well,  lets just say it all won't come off in the wash. It is the one true rule of success - eventually, you gonna fall on your ass in front of the world, especially if you keep waving your arms in self-congratulation. In fact, allow Notumbus Bumbus to make a little prediction here: The Far Wrong are gonna think these two wins mean ultimate victory for their warped crusade to crowd-surf on the heads of everyone and everything they despise (boy, THAT was an easy prediction), and, in their wet-dream of absolute victory, they will unleash their own McCarthy Moment. And I'd say this should be happening right around the next election, where they hope to crush all hope for any real future for the America most of the people want to see flourish.

Now,  I will be the first to admit (no, not to a sexual perversity that will make me lose in my next race to the poorhouse) that this seems an easy prediction. After all, we know how the Far Wrong's butt-boys, like O'Really and Glenny-poo, Hammity and Coult 45, like to open mouth, insert anus. And how their fav fatboy Limbarfer will spew his face off till the cows come home,  get milked,  then return to the field for some more methane spewing. But this time, the hubris will shine most supreme from within the actual elected Far Wrong Frat Party itself, swollen with tumescent pride, and voila! there goes the weasels, doin' the full backpedal. Remember how much the Far Wrong just LOVED the John-boy Edwards debacle? And how every time one of the Repugnicants got caught with their own diddle-and-fiddle "issues"? Remember how well their Teflon worked?

Well, I predict a similar punking, and this time,  that non-stick cooking utensil is gonna make the yolk stick so bad, they won't even be able to get it off with a bucket of Brillo. Because now that all the gloves are off with the corporate donors and all, even THEY won't want to back a candidate with too much smutty stuff on their hands. Because - you know what's coming, right? - corporations are interested in one thing, and one thing only - their money. Can you say "boycott?" Yes, Virginia,many people can. And as they are the one's upon whom the corporations depend for their money, I predict a renewal of the use of, and the success of, the time-honored tradition of money talking, bullshit walking. And let me be even more specific - the perp on the Repugnicant side will be from the Senate. That's right - the House of Cards.

And as we get closer to that Very Special Time,election season, Notumbus Bumbus will be even more specific. You might want to start telling people you read it here first. Call it,  The Pudge report. Yep, as in Masked Pudge (come on, work with me here!)

'Nuff said!

Let's All Fly Naked!

If it wasn't for the nasty scar where I had that totally righteous "extension" surgery last fall, I'd say naked security checks are the wave of the future. But I'm not sure I'd want to be the one to cause terminal shame to all those poor slobs at the TSA - they might not recover in time to do a thorough job on the old lady behind me in line. But....if that's what we have to do to keep the flying public safe, well, what they hey! Besides - might even get a film contract out of the deal, ya never know!

Mi esposa, on the other hand, is damned pissed off with that idiot Nigerian - he sets his pants on fire, and now everyone else has to drop theirs. And she ain't so sure she wants anyone getting a gander on HER surgical results. No, no, I'll say no more!!

The thing that's really got my (soon to be dropped) shorts in a bunch is the totally fruitcake idea of making everyone stay in their seats for the last freakin' hour of the flight. Really? That gonna go over big anywhere YOU can think of? 'Cuz with MY prostate, well, they damn well be ready to hand out Depends, especially if we can't even cover up the accident with a lap blanky anymore. I don't think those boneheads have really thought this thing through. Hell - all any slightly intelligent terrorist will have to do is visit the little terrorist's room five minutes before lockdown, and he won't even have any of those pissed-off passengers to deal with. Way to go dudes!!!

As for the equally boneheaded Far Wrongers making whoopee over Obama's delay in saying what THEY demand he say, let's do a little historic replay, shall we:

It's early in the morning on September 11, 2001, and GW Bush is reading "MY Pet Goat" to a kindergarten class in Florida. And some observers point out the damn book was upside down, but why quibble - If you are Bushie, it reads the same either way. So when the Secret Service guy or whoever comes into the classroom and whispers into our Fearless Leader's ear tube, how does the Bushman react?

He sits there for an additional several minutes. Then, he gets on a plan and fly's around trying to finish the damn book, as far as anyone really knows.

Obamaman, on the other hand, waits until all the facts are available, regarding an attack that failed, and then comes out forcefully demanding a full investigation into the lapses in security that contributed to this jerkwad's even getting as far as he did. Funny though - he never once uses the word, "crusade." And has yet to say the word - yellow cake - or make calls to various county's in search of special rendition possibilities. So I kinda doubt he even begins to compare to the fallen Ayatolah, Bush.

So here's a heads-up to the Ayatollahs O'Really and Becky Boy: I see yer jaws flappin' but I ain't hearing anything helpful coming out of either of the two pieholes, ya dig?

See, I don't really for a minute think the Far Wrong has once considered the impact of their insanity on the country as a whole  - for them its all, if'n not for me, I ain't doin' squat!." Specially fer the damn the country, 'cuz them damn liberals refuse to leave. So its our ball, and we are taikn' it home, homey.

The real question here is, which damn country we gonna bomb next: Swaziland? New Jersey?

Doesn't really matter though: Those bastardey will only be able to sellin more recuitment posters.

Well, toodles - see ya next decade, (if you can't accept the Aughties any longer.

So? - It's Not Our Fault, Anyway

OK, lets say there really is no such thing as Global Warming, or, what the hell, that we, puny furry bipeds that we are, bear no responsibility for it should it "actually" come true. Lets just say that, OK? Let us instead pose a somewhat different hypothetical situation, and lets see how all you naysayers out there might respond should this hypothetical scenario ever hit the headlines, or, Goddess forbid, Al Gore ever makes a movie about it.

(The first announcement:)

"Scientists from three continents confirmed today the approach of a massive meteor on an unavoidable collision course with Earth. Its current speed and trajectory indicate it will hit in the Arctic region north of Russia, and is the size of Iceland. Authorities from the US, Russia, and France today announced a joint task force to send all nuclear weapons into space to impact on the meteor in hopes this action will either deflect the meteor, or break it up into small enough pieces that the impact and subsequent damage will be minimized. Should this attempt fail, or be delayed by as much as one day, it would mean the end of civilization. Scientists predict the loss of life could exceed 3 billion people. The loss of habitat and land under cultivation will mean the potential extinction of most of the species on the planet, and a vastly diminished food supply. The dust from the impact will obscure the sun for hundreds of years, and will trigger a new and rapid onset ice age. The President, Barack Obama, has appealed for calm, and for all Americans, and indeed all the people of the world, to pray to their gods for intercession. More news at 11."

(The Next day:)

"Members of the Republican Party, led by media personalities Glen Beck and Bill O'Reilly, and accompanied by Sarah Palin, issued a statement today calling the reports of an impending planet-busting meteor impact a "patent hoax, as revealed by some purloined emails that state meteors are an invention of liberal scientists who just want to wreck our economy." Beck added, "Besides, if it really is what they say it is, and I seriously doubt they know what they are saying about anything that I disagree with, the problem isn't ours, it's the damn Russians. Let them use their own money and nukes to fix their own problem - we didn't exactly cause this problem now, did we?"


(2 years after impact)

The Island Nations of North America today issued an all-points alert for the capture of Glen Beck, Bill O'Reilly, and Sarah Palin for crimes against common human sense. A reward of One Million peso-bucks is offered for information leading to their capture. Please contact the Inter-Island Interim Legal Directorate for further information, or to make any report on this matter."

(3 years after Beck's capture:)

"Your honor, though I doubt you have any, I object to having to answer to you or any other liberal, scientist, or so-called Constitutional officer for merely bringing up the thoughts that were in so many people's minds about believing anything the Government of that Kenyan, Obama, was lying to all Americans about. All this destruction wasn't caused by any so-called meteor, but by illegal aliens from Hawaii and Africa who can't even prove they were born. I have proof they have no proof, so I know I am right, and you are..." (transcript unavailable. Recording indicates a snorting sound followed by a heavy thud and a squishing sound.)

The verdict was announced in the following day's Public Email - guilty, and dead by his own large head falling off onto the courtroom floor. O'Reilly and Pailin's trials begin tomorrow.


Or at least, that's what I think will happen. And if I can think it would happen, then who am I to say it won't?

And if I am  right, what does that make you?