Let's All Fly Naked!

If it wasn't for the nasty scar where I had that totally righteous "extension" surgery last fall, I'd say naked security checks are the wave of the future. But I'm not sure I'd want to be the one to cause terminal shame to all those poor slobs at the TSA - they might not recover in time to do a thorough job on the old lady behind me in line. But....if that's what we have to do to keep the flying public safe, well, what they hey! Besides - might even get a film contract out of the deal, ya never know!

Mi esposa, on the other hand, is damned pissed off with that idiot Nigerian - he sets his pants on fire, and now everyone else has to drop theirs. And she ain't so sure she wants anyone getting a gander on HER surgical results. No, no, I'll say no more!!

The thing that's really got my (soon to be dropped) shorts in a bunch is the totally fruitcake idea of making everyone stay in their seats for the last freakin' hour of the flight. Really? That gonna go over big anywhere YOU can think of? 'Cuz with MY prostate, well, they damn well be ready to hand out Depends, especially if we can't even cover up the accident with a lap blanky anymore. I don't think those boneheads have really thought this thing through. Hell - all any slightly intelligent terrorist will have to do is visit the little terrorist's room five minutes before lockdown, and he won't even have any of those pissed-off passengers to deal with. Way to go dudes!!!

As for the equally boneheaded Far Wrongers making whoopee over Obama's delay in saying what THEY demand he say, let's do a little historic replay, shall we:

It's early in the morning on September 11, 2001, and GW Bush is reading "MY Pet Goat" to a kindergarten class in Florida. And some observers point out the damn book was upside down, but why quibble - If you are Bushie, it reads the same either way. So when the Secret Service guy or whoever comes into the classroom and whispers into our Fearless Leader's ear tube, how does the Bushman react?

He sits there for an additional several minutes. Then, he gets on a plan and fly's around trying to finish the damn book, as far as anyone really knows.

Obamaman, on the other hand, waits until all the facts are available, regarding an attack that failed, and then comes out forcefully demanding a full investigation into the lapses in security that contributed to this jerkwad's even getting as far as he did. Funny though - he never once uses the word, "crusade." And has yet to say the word - yellow cake - or make calls to various county's in search of special rendition possibilities. So I kinda doubt he even begins to compare to the fallen Ayatolah, Bush.

So here's a heads-up to the Ayatollahs O'Really and Becky Boy: I see yer jaws flappin' but I ain't hearing anything helpful coming out of either of the two pieholes, ya dig?

See, I don't really for a minute think the Far Wrong has once considered the impact of their insanity on the country as a whole  - for them its all, if'n not for me, I ain't doin' squat!." Specially fer the damn the country, 'cuz them damn liberals refuse to leave. So its our ball, and we are taikn' it home, homey.

The real question here is, which damn country we gonna bomb next: Swaziland? New Jersey?

Doesn't really matter though: Those bastardey will only be able to sellin more recuitment posters.

Well, toodles - see ya next decade, (if you can't accept the Aughties any longer.

Tiger Woods Hits She-Rah Pail-In With Nine-Iron, O'Really Calls It "Conspirancy"

As usual, we can trust the news to tell us what is really important. So Tiger (come on, I mean, the name says it all, right?) has been doing a bang-up job playing the field. And a couple of scientists (not unlike MORE than a couple of politicians and pundits and clergy and rant-show hosts) fluffed the numbers and called some other scientists names. And why has Paris disappeared from view (Hint: bulimia)? And She-Rah assumed to tell the Prez what to do (like we care). And, and, well, way too much information about way unimportant things. Poor Cronkite must be rolling over in his grave.

So, America, take a breath. Stop and smell the scented candles. Give yourselves a day off. Pamper your puppies. And for cryin' out loud - turn off the damn noise boxes! After all, 'tis the season and all that jazz. Ya dig?

Consider this: THEY got terrorists - WE got terrorists. They got economic meltdowns - WE got economic meltdowns. See? Globalism actually works!

So lets take a step back and ask ourselves one little question: Why do we seem so obsessed with other people's personal issues? Is it because our own sad little lives are so, well, sad and little? Or because we think we are superior to those whose foibles get aired in public? Got some hard news for you. Go on, sit down. You, yes you, have your own purple warts, your own dire secrets, your own hidden agendas. And so do I. That's why I don't give a rat's ass who is sleeping with who, who is cheating on who, who gave at the orifice and who did not. I don't care who wants to get married, as long as its for love. Or free sex, whichever. If Tiger secretly wanted to be publicly flogged, he would have told us. You really think its going to make a difference in his golf game? Come on! Anyone who can swing a club like that will have more female fans than ever lining the greens on his next tournament, I guarantee it.

As for She-Rah? I hear she and Paris are double-teaming all the boys down on Capital Hill Tavern, live shows every Tuesday night. Getcher tickets now!