Monday, April 5, 2010

One Last Smack in the Kisser Before I Go

Well, it's come down to this - I am having my throat cut tomorrow. No, it's nothing YOU said, because, well, you've been rather silent - on pretty much everything. No, it's because I am actually getting my throat cut. Really. I go under the knife, ostensibly to remove the Curse of The Moose Queen from my neck (she - She-Rah, is a pain in the neck, you see.) I will be in recovery with my half-naked shaman healer gal for several weeks or so, depending on how many antlers they have to remove. So feel free to go through my extensive snark-ives if you have just recently joined the fray. But worry not - Notumbus shall return! Until then, here's a parting shot:

On pretty much any day these days, newspapers, web news, TV, iWipes, whatever, are going for the jugular. "Slap 'em upside the head," appears to be the new approach to journalism. Hell, don't just slap 'em, kick 'em while their down, pound 'em to the ground, and do it with a s**t eating grin all the while. Oh, yes, it's pretty much world-wide at this point, but we Amuricans, we do it up right, and with far more vitriol than anyone else. And that's just one of the things that makes Amurica the Greatest Show on Earth. We don't just f**k around, no siree, we go straight for the 'nads, while simultaneously hiding behind the First Amendment. Hell, we've even found the wiggle room in that exception to the 1st, "don't shout fire in a crowded theater." We do it with innuendo and slime-journalism, setting the other guy up, ala "So, you don't really beat your wife ten times a week, do you? It must really be more like, oh, five, right?" Yeah, that's journalism, alright.

I like how suddenly everyone is all, "oh goodness, we have to do something about the bullying in the schools." Like they only just figured out this crap has been going down. Forget about the prior thousand or so years of the same violence taking place right under their noses. But here is the real Jake on this malarkey - at the same time folks are in a frou-frah about bully's in the schools, most are awfully defensive about their own bullying. Whether its the Tea Bagger's Union screaming about running politicians out of town on a splintered rail, or the Not-so-Progressives screaming about pushing She-Rah off a cliff, it seems bullying is the soup du-jour. But its the hypocrisy of all this that floors me. You really want to stop bullying in the schools? Really? The start by trending your own behavior toward civility, by debating each other with respect. Because truthfully? If I was a kid today (I was one yesterday, but today I got up on the wrong side of the era) I would be taking a page from the screaming, asinine adults all around me, and making school like Lord of the Flies. 'Cuz see, that's how we kiddies learn - from you big-mouthed louts. So stop yer whining, buck-o.

Now, some of you one or two readers of this scurrilous rag may think I am two-faced on this, but I have never said, nor will I ever say, that anyone is better than me. I would never say that. However, as someone who suffered at the hands of bully's in school, I am simply smackin' back at the ones I can see out there in the whatever-o-sphere, sort of a proxy revenge, if you will. So, if you don't like my snarky opinion, you are entirely free to spew your own. Me? I go by the simple philosophy - don't try to slap a steak on my plate, and I won't knock the pork-chop offn yourn.

In the meantime, try to be nice to folks, even if you disagree with their perspective. One day, you might need their help. And if all you do is spit on them, do you really think they'll bend down to lend you a hand when misfortune craps all over you? Yeah, didn't think so. I mean, if you are going down for the last time, you gonna ask the hand that reaches out to save you if they are a stinkin' Liberal? Hey, that's YOUR problem, ain't it?

Toodles. See ya soon.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Gee, Sounds Like The Weather Underground has Gone Reactionary Rabid Wrong. Oops, Sorry. That's Tea Party to You, Socialist!

OK, now we are getting somewhere! Every Governor in the nation has received orders from a "sovereign citizen" whack-job group telling them - TELLING THEM -  to step down within three days of they will be "removed." Yeah, FBI is already all over these guys, but really, people over there on the Far Far Wrong - do you really think your group-think is not "socialist."? I mean, where's the "rampant individualism" already? See, this is where the rhetoric meets the road. You run around like a bunch of screaming chickens, screaming about the sky falling if poor people get health care coverage (wow, gotta think about that one,) and then get all surprised when the REAL whack-a-doodles wake up the whole farm yard. Uh, what part of "shouting fire in a crowded theater " don't you understand?

Of course, none of this is that surprising. The Wrong Wing is famous for calling the kettle black. From the murder of doctors to the bombing of innocent people (McVeigh? Olympic Village? Shall I go on?), at each and every juncture of this increasingly obscene excuse for a political movement, the GOP has steadfastly (wow, they sure are steadfast, eh?) refused to condemn or disassociate themselves from the Far Wrong Fringe. Good on them!

You see, they seem to believe that these armed fruitcakes are their base! Well, in at least one sense, they are right - these fruit cocktails are truly and really base. Not to mention, bass-ackwards. Because believing these forms of increasingly violent rhetoric and actions will win them a majority in the next election is, well, how can I say this kindly? Hmm. Hmm. Naw, no way to do that, so... We must conclude they are totally drinking their own kool-aid. Let's try for a little perspective, shall we?

First, there is a belief within the ranks of Republicants their party was single-handedly responsible for the ending of slavery, ending of segregation, civil rights laws, and a myriad of other social(ism) laws and actions to spread harmony and good cheer. Er, not so. Were they involved? Yes, to varying degrees. But they did NOT act along strict partisan lines in any of these issues. Were the Demoncrats solely responsible for the fact of slavery? In the South, that would be a big YES. In the North/ Uh, most abolitionists were NOT Republicants, and many were Demoncrats.

By the same token, in the present day, are Demoncrats the only party to ever use recess appointments and reconciliation to get the work of Congress done? Hell, no. Republicants used recess appointments quite frequently, and during the Bushy years, used reconciliation many, many times, especially to enact tax cuts for the rich. (By the way, you want an excellent argument for repealing those tax cuts for the rich? It will keep them from spending so much on mortgage default swaps, those pesky inventions that have killed our economy. They would have to actually pay their fair share for once, instead of screwing the country at both ends.) So please, bozitos, if you are going to keep screaming, please, at minimum, get your facts straight. To wit:

No death panels.
No relocation camps.
No one wants your guns. (But please use them on yourself first, if you love them so much.)
No black helicopters are coming for you. Really. Because you, ya little snot, just ain't that important. Besides, most of them are currently in Iraq and Afghanistan. Where, if you were any kind of true Patriot, is exactly where you would be right now. Instead of playing war games in your camy-jammies. And if the sky IS falling, why, I'd more likely believe it was gonna fall on the wacky Wrong. Why? Because the ancient law of karma - what goes around, comes around. Or, as the Christian Wrong likes to say it, "doing unto others what you would have them do unto you." Ooh, that's gotta sting!

In the meantime, dear whack-a-doodles, please tone it down. The rest of the critters in the barnyard could do with a little more sleep, before we get up to do our more productive work than the work you do - screaming about the sky falling. And put away those guns - don't want Farmer Brown to add you to the Thanksgiving shopping list now, do you?