Friday, June 25, 2010

He Lives! He Lives! [yawn]

Yes, I'm back. Ah, the frailties of the human condition. Took a bit longer to mend than the docs said it would. But then, I was born a contrarian, after all. And what happens while I'm having all my organs replaced with high-density plastics? All hell breaks loose, that's what happens!

Oil (which, by the way, makes up the bulk of my current organ supply, so I'm a bit concerned about this, as you might imagine) is spewing, yep, spewing into the ocean at a rate that is almost guaranteed to bring back the dinosaurs (whose blood it is, after all.) And do Amuricans bat an eye? Do they take any noticeable steps to, dare I say it, reduce their consumption of said oil? No, they do not. Why not? You remember that joke about why the dog licks it's own crotch? 'Bout sums it up, dontcha think?

I mean, its not like its the end of the world (unless you are an ocean critter, of course,)so lets go full tilt, baby! Gas up that guzzler twice today, and keep the economy going. Funny thing about that, the economy being dependent on rampant consumerism and all? You really only have two choices, if you crunch it all down: you either go full speed till its all gone, in which case you get your general total-system collapse as a kind of instant, non-stop party, with all the associated downsides, or (and this is merely for argument's sake, really - we would never actually make this choice,)we show some foresight, and start working on alternative systems full-tilt, so the collapse is a bit slower, and far more manageable, and maybe even (more pie-in-the-sky stuff here, folks) reasonably recoverable, with a far lower loss of life, habitat, and self-esteem.

Like I said, highly unlikely. So, full-system collapse, end-of-the-world situation. As long as that dino-blood keeps coming until the last day. Right?

I'm really gonna miss them mudbugs, ya know?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Well, it's Boxing Day in America - Did You Buy Your Politician a Gift Today?

Ah, I love the smell of off-season primaries in the morning! This year, we get a special treat - rabble-rousing stuff of the earth tea baggers funded by Massey Coal! Yep, this "grass root" movement is actually an open-pit movement funded by dirty coal. Turns out the fat cat what owns Massey Coal doesn't like too many (read: any) guvmint regulations, cuz, well, it get's his profit hungry panties in a bunch. So, cuz he can't get his way with the current (read: non-Bush) guvmint, well, he's gonna buy a guvmint that suits his personal needs. And, he's gonna fool a bunch of easy to fool fools into foolishly believing THEY are the one's in charge! Wow, talk about an excellent conspiracy of dunces.

Now, I'd like to re-shape the guvmint to MY own liking as much as the next billionaire, (Oh, you didn't know?) but I just don't think that was part of the "original Intent" of the foundling fathers for their newly founded fatherland. (ahem.) But why should that matter? This is Amuricah - land of the foreclosure, home of the knave, where the Almighty Profit has gone fourth and ten with seconds to go, and has plans to keep all of us, (no, not you tea baggers, uh-uh) in debt up to our third eyes for all eternity. And lo! he spaketh unto them and led them all into the wilderness of the suburbs, and made them glad to be consumers of consumption, he sayeth unto the Lard! You see how easy it is to cite scripture when your rapture is about to rupture?

Look, we KNOW you chumps just cannot be honest about your real feelings, cuz that would mean you'd have to actually own up to being the frightened white sheep that you truly are. I mean, when you yahoos say something that is clearly racist, ya'll get all fired up stoopid complaining how you are being "maligned" (look it up) just like, oh, how does Glenny-Boy put it? The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming!! And look! They just happen to be a mixed set, not one uniformly god-given color like us! And to have to face the trooth of yourself, well, that sends so many mixed signals to the little ones, who so look up to ya'll for guidance of their missiles. Who knows - they might even end up being aimed (horrors!) right back at you.

Ooh, messy.

Well, we'll certainly know better tomorrow whether the 'baggers are going to succeed in pulling down the entire Republican Party and drive it well over the wrong wing cliff. I certainly am cheering for ya'll. 'Cuz there is one thing I am dead certain of - Amurica tends to shy away from the extremes, regardless what side of the Great Divide they may fall. Because fall they will.

Which, as Martha likes to say, is a good thing! Maybe then, we can actually get something done in this country.

Toodles, ya'll!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Creationism? You're Kidding, Right? No? Wow....

People who believe in such things tell us that God created US!! – all of us. Starting with the mythic Adam, and right up to everyone on the planet today. And most such people – those who believe in such things – also seem to believe this happened somewhat recently, as in, Adam and Eve palled around with the dinosaurs. But that’s not the issue; the issue is the whole creation thing.

Lets take it at face value for a moment, for the sake of argument, of which there has been plenty on this topic, already. And let’s not get too very Jesuit about this, either, because, well, those guys are, you know, “well educated” and stuff, and we don’t want too many of them poking their noses into our little exercise here, at least not just yet. Maybe later.

So, Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel. Small family unit, some contentious issues, leading to an early foreclosure and eviction, followed some time later by fratricide. First family, and already, dysfunction. Whatever. But they are also, following the existing storyline, the first “peoples”, as in the village, nation, planet – it’s just them, and the animals.

I think I’ve got that right.

First question – where does the second family come from? There is some vague story about the two tribes – Canaanites, and I suppose Abelites? But if Cain slays Abel, uh, how do the Abelites come into the picture? And even more interesting questions arise about Cain – who did he marry, in his years of self-torture and mark on the forehead (or was it foreskin? I’m confused,) if there was no second family? Or (and this goes against most civilized mores, I must warn you,) did Adam and Eve have more kids than has been told, and, if so, was there inter-marriage? You know, incest (shudder?) So you see, this seems a bit sticky to me. The myth doesn’t say whether God did or did not continue with the whole “build-a-better-man-and-woman thing. But it does seem to imply we all, yep, you, too, bucko, are descended from the apple-eaters.

So you see why I pose the question, right? You get your butts ejected from the time-share naturist leisure world, and then its all “wanna do it again” every darn night, for who knows how long. I mean, at some point, Eve’s gotta want to take a rest, wouldn’t you think? And the myth also seems to want us to believe they lived an awfully long time, what six-hundred years, give or take? I have to think those last fifty were a real pain. “Aw, for God’s sake, Adam, go tend the flock. I’ve got a freakin’ headache, back ache, toothache, at least in the two I’ve got left. And you, you putz. You don’t exactly spring into action the way you used to. And I’m the one’s always feeding the damn great, great, and not-so-great grandkids. So shut up and go to sleep, already.”

And of course, the kids are, well, engaging in inappropriate behavior, but we had to go forth and multiply over and over and over, until now, we desperately need to learn a little subtraction. It’s just basic math.

So this means, God either kept up the production line, or somebody needs to get child protective services on the line, like, yesterday!. OK, yeah, it’s a little late for that, I guess. But there’s another question – if God kept up the production line, didn’t any of them actually hold to the terms of the contract, vis-à-vis that “fruit of the tree” thing? If they did, why would they leave the time share? And if they didn’t, well, there goes that “no imperfections” thing, which is apparently one of the bigger selling points about the Big Guy, after all. Which may start to erode the whole tithing thing, over time. I’m just sayin’!

I mean, this myth has some serious holes in it. If we can’t make it past this basic issue, the story falls apart. Continuity here, people!

But I suppose there’s another possibility – there was more than one Big Guy. That is what most people believed, took as an article of faith, held up as certainty, taught the kiddies in catechism, etc., that there were gods in everything. So they’re all molding mud and dissecting ribs, and, sorry to say, setting behavioral parameters that these newly minted baby makers cannot stick to! This is a far-more believable story line, because, well, the math works

This, of course, flies in the face on the monotheistic crowd, hell, pretty well gets their holy panties in a bunch. They always tell you, “take it on faith.” What, like Nixon? Clinton? Bush, Jr.? Eh, I don’t think so. Didn’t “religious” people once tell their children they’d been brought home by a stork? Or found under a cabbage patch? See, once you get the first part of the story wrong, it’s pretty sticky to admit you may have got it completely wrong. And that just leads to more, er, confabulation (I’m trying to avoid the “L” word, here, just to be polite.) And eventually, that celibacy thing, and the kids, and, bbrrr, you end up in litigation, and charges, and all that unwanted scrutiny, and well, the myth starts to sag a bit.

Plus, you are pretty much stuck with trying to explain that whole “dinosaur” issue. You just know you’re going to get laughed right out of the room.

Monday, April 5, 2010

One Last Smack in the Kisser Before I Go

Well, it's come down to this - I am having my throat cut tomorrow. No, it's nothing YOU said, because, well, you've been rather silent - on pretty much everything. No, it's because I am actually getting my throat cut. Really. I go under the knife, ostensibly to remove the Curse of The Moose Queen from my neck (she - She-Rah, is a pain in the neck, you see.) I will be in recovery with my half-naked shaman healer gal for several weeks or so, depending on how many antlers they have to remove. So feel free to go through my extensive snark-ives if you have just recently joined the fray. But worry not - Notumbus shall return! Until then, here's a parting shot:

On pretty much any day these days, newspapers, web news, TV, iWipes, whatever, are going for the jugular. "Slap 'em upside the head," appears to be the new approach to journalism. Hell, don't just slap 'em, kick 'em while their down, pound 'em to the ground, and do it with a s**t eating grin all the while. Oh, yes, it's pretty much world-wide at this point, but we Amuricans, we do it up right, and with far more vitriol than anyone else. And that's just one of the things that makes Amurica the Greatest Show on Earth. We don't just f**k around, no siree, we go straight for the 'nads, while simultaneously hiding behind the First Amendment. Hell, we've even found the wiggle room in that exception to the 1st, "don't shout fire in a crowded theater." We do it with innuendo and slime-journalism, setting the other guy up, ala "So, you don't really beat your wife ten times a week, do you? It must really be more like, oh, five, right?" Yeah, that's journalism, alright.

I like how suddenly everyone is all, "oh goodness, we have to do something about the bullying in the schools." Like they only just figured out this crap has been going down. Forget about the prior thousand or so years of the same violence taking place right under their noses. But here is the real Jake on this malarkey - at the same time folks are in a frou-frah about bully's in the schools, most are awfully defensive about their own bullying. Whether its the Tea Bagger's Union screaming about running politicians out of town on a splintered rail, or the Not-so-Progressives screaming about pushing She-Rah off a cliff, it seems bullying is the soup du-jour. But its the hypocrisy of all this that floors me. You really want to stop bullying in the schools? Really? The start by trending your own behavior toward civility, by debating each other with respect. Because truthfully? If I was a kid today (I was one yesterday, but today I got up on the wrong side of the era) I would be taking a page from the screaming, asinine adults all around me, and making school like Lord of the Flies. 'Cuz see, that's how we kiddies learn - from you big-mouthed louts. So stop yer whining, buck-o.

Now, some of you one or two readers of this scurrilous rag may think I am two-faced on this, but I have never said, nor will I ever say, that anyone is better than me. I would never say that. However, as someone who suffered at the hands of bully's in school, I am simply smackin' back at the ones I can see out there in the whatever-o-sphere, sort of a proxy revenge, if you will. So, if you don't like my snarky opinion, you are entirely free to spew your own. Me? I go by the simple philosophy - don't try to slap a steak on my plate, and I won't knock the pork-chop offn yourn.

In the meantime, try to be nice to folks, even if you disagree with their perspective. One day, you might need their help. And if all you do is spit on them, do you really think they'll bend down to lend you a hand when misfortune craps all over you? Yeah, didn't think so. I mean, if you are going down for the last time, you gonna ask the hand that reaches out to save you if they are a stinkin' Liberal? Hey, that's YOUR problem, ain't it?

Toodles. See ya soon.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Gee, Sounds Like The Weather Underground has Gone Reactionary Rabid Wrong. Oops, Sorry. That's Tea Party to You, Socialist!

OK, now we are getting somewhere! Every Governor in the nation has received orders from a "sovereign citizen" whack-job group telling them - TELLING THEM -  to step down within three days of they will be "removed." Yeah, FBI is already all over these guys, but really, people over there on the Far Far Wrong - do you really think your group-think is not "socialist."? I mean, where's the "rampant individualism" already? See, this is where the rhetoric meets the road. You run around like a bunch of screaming chickens, screaming about the sky falling if poor people get health care coverage (wow, gotta think about that one,) and then get all surprised when the REAL whack-a-doodles wake up the whole farm yard. Uh, what part of "shouting fire in a crowded theater " don't you understand?

Of course, none of this is that surprising. The Wrong Wing is famous for calling the kettle black. From the murder of doctors to the bombing of innocent people (McVeigh? Olympic Village? Shall I go on?), at each and every juncture of this increasingly obscene excuse for a political movement, the GOP has steadfastly (wow, they sure are steadfast, eh?) refused to condemn or disassociate themselves from the Far Wrong Fringe. Good on them!

You see, they seem to believe that these armed fruitcakes are their base! Well, in at least one sense, they are right - these fruit cocktails are truly and really base. Not to mention, bass-ackwards. Because believing these forms of increasingly violent rhetoric and actions will win them a majority in the next election is, well, how can I say this kindly? Hmm. Hmm. Naw, no way to do that, so... We must conclude they are totally drinking their own kool-aid. Let's try for a little perspective, shall we?

First, there is a belief within the ranks of Republicants their party was single-handedly responsible for the ending of slavery, ending of segregation, civil rights laws, and a myriad of other social(ism) laws and actions to spread harmony and good cheer. Er, not so. Were they involved? Yes, to varying degrees. But they did NOT act along strict partisan lines in any of these issues. Were the Demoncrats solely responsible for the fact of slavery? In the South, that would be a big YES. In the North/ Uh, most abolitionists were NOT Republicants, and many were Demoncrats.

By the same token, in the present day, are Demoncrats the only party to ever use recess appointments and reconciliation to get the work of Congress done? Hell, no. Republicants used recess appointments quite frequently, and during the Bushy years, used reconciliation many, many times, especially to enact tax cuts for the rich. (By the way, you want an excellent argument for repealing those tax cuts for the rich? It will keep them from spending so much on mortgage default swaps, those pesky inventions that have killed our economy. They would have to actually pay their fair share for once, instead of screwing the country at both ends.) So please, bozitos, if you are going to keep screaming, please, at minimum, get your facts straight. To wit:

No death panels.
No relocation camps.
No one wants your guns. (But please use them on yourself first, if you love them so much.)
No black helicopters are coming for you. Really. Because you, ya little snot, just ain't that important. Besides, most of them are currently in Iraq and Afghanistan. Where, if you were any kind of true Patriot, is exactly where you would be right now. Instead of playing war games in your camy-jammies. And if the sky IS falling, why, I'd more likely believe it was gonna fall on the wacky Wrong. Why? Because the ancient law of karma - what goes around, comes around. Or, as the Christian Wrong likes to say it, "doing unto others what you would have them do unto you." Ooh, that's gotta sting!

In the meantime, dear whack-a-doodles, please tone it down. The rest of the critters in the barnyard could do with a little more sleep, before we get up to do our more productive work than the work you do - screaming about the sky falling. And put away those guns - don't want Farmer Brown to add you to the Thanksgiving shopping list now, do you?


Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Abject Failure, or, How The "Christian" Wrong Got So Wrong

Now, just to set the record straight, I consider myself a Recovering Christian - it takes a lifetime, but somebody has to make the first step, eh? That said, I do recall with vivid detail (shudder - those nuns still make me cringe,) the dogma of the religulous (hats off to Bill Maher.) And sitting right at the top-o-the-heap of said dogma is this little gem, "judge not, lest ye be judged." And there's lots more where that came from, which we may get to eventually, but not today. Today, we stick with just this one.

People who call themselves "Christian," besides Hans, are called to "witness" the "bible" (whichever one they want, apparently,) which means, literally, to both "see and understand, remember and speak," about what their book says. So if the admonishment is to "judge not...", then what we are seeing in today's "Christian Wrong" is an abject failure to "see and understand, remember and speak." Well, not the "speak" part - they have that one down to a "T." To judge (sorry, like I said, I'm "recovering" so I don't adhere to a particular book-based belief system,) is to tell others what they are doing wrong, and then issue threats of eternal retribution if they don't straighten out and fly right. The "abject failure part of this? The rest of the phrase? "...lest ye be judged." And sort of near this phrase, I seem to recall on the same page, in fact, it says something to the effect that only thy lord god shall judge, or words to that effect.

So when I see and hear the likes of Glenhardly Bleck and Rash Limpburger, She-Rah Pail-In, and Karly Rovenator saying very un-christian stuff about those they disagree with, and then try to justify it with statements about this being a "Christian Nation" and all that boolschtuff, well, that's when I know they must be reading from the wrong book, or, they just patently don't "see and understand...," whatever it was they claim to be reading. So, I can only assume they aren't really the "Christians" they claim to be, they are instead nothing more than snake-oil opportunists. Which is, in the mind of this "recovering Christian," the lowest sort of despicable slime mold. Especially since they seem to be rubbing their hands in glee about the now over-the-top resurgent Wrong Wing "Christian" militia movement (hey, they have over-the-counter remedy's for that, ya know,) as they sharpen their claws and talk open insurrection.

Which kinda makes them the advance guard for the Hutaree, seems to me. See, the real problem for all those "end times" whack jobs is this: when it doesn't go according to schedule, they don't have any fall-back positions. They paint themselves into a corner from which they cannot, without suffering extreme shame, extricate themselves and their insane ideologies. Which, oddly enough, is the same position into which the Republicant Party has painted itself. By "uniting" against the rest of the country, they have in effect taken an insurrectionist position, and will now have to lay in the bed they have made. Unfortunately for the rest of America, they can still do a lot of damage. Because you see, us white guys? We gots guns, we gots anger, we gots, er, the New Minority status, and er, well, uh, we ain't gonna take it anymore!! So there!! And we are gonna make everyone else suffer because of it, you can be damned sure of that!

Hmm. Seems like somebody's got their panties in a bunch, what say? I don't think it's mere coincidence these folks are always talkin' 'bout "Judgment Day." It's just that they don't seem to "...remember and speak" about who will actually be doing said "judging."

Those old Greeks had a word for this.



Monday, March 29, 2010

But Seriously, Folks! Goldwater was Just As Wrong as You Are!

Today something tells me to try being serious for once. So I thought, "Self, what a unique idea, let's try it on and see how it feels." So, here goes:

The primary problem with extremism, of whatever stripe, is its failure to ever achieve it's own stated goals, while simultaneously screwing things up for everyone else. Sort of a perfect s**t storm, if you will. In fact, even a cursory review of history will reveal not one single instance where extremism succeeded in a) achieving the exact ideal world envisioned by said extremists; b) doing as little harm as possible to those in disagreement; and c) still being around today. While the Far Wrong likes to parade charges of Socialism and Communism (come on! people, even when those things purported to exist, they didn't really exist - those, too, were extremist wet dreams that failed to ever meet their initial expectations, let alone have any coherence with their self-stated theories,) they fail to see how they are not much more than the mirror images of their own shibboleths. Whenever ANYONE espouses ANY kind of radical or reactionary makeover of "the system," it ultimately fails. Don't believe me - do the research yourself.

Show me ONE radical or reactionary system that has ever really "worked." By this I mean, have the people, as a whole, NOT merely those on top, EVER really prospered under draconian fantasies? China has been in its present form (psuedo-CommiCapitalism) for less than 20 years, and that change was itself a repudiation of the prior 40 years under so-called Marxism. I say so-called because, if any of the wing nuts on the Far Wrong ever actually bothered to READ his books, they would realize actual Marxism has never actually been tried. Instead, we've had one failed mostrosity after another parading under the "Marxism" banner while never coming close to it.

The same holds true for Conservatism, or shall we say, Reactionary ideologies. Name ONE far Right government that hasn't either (or both) brutally repressed/murdered it's own populations, or resulted in hyper-inflation and economic chaos. And name even ONE of those regimes that has stood the test of time. Yeah, I thought so.

The so-called Tea Party, which is just the latest name for the Patriot Militia Movement, and the Christian Right, and the Birthers and Birchers and Timothy McVeigh Book Club and Gun Society, will eventually run into it's own contradictions. In-fighting is already being seen. And what the adherents of this not-so-new ideology refer to as their "better ideas" are in fact the same failed ideas the world has seen in many other permutations before. And, need I add, with the same sad, and often misery-inducing results.

Please note - I am not by this critique suggesting, not in the slightest, that liberal or "progressive" ideologies are any different, especially where they purport to be the "right" answer to all that ails us. Not by a long shot, dear readers. In fact, what I am arguing is simply this: we have reached a critical juncture in human evolution, where what we thought were solutions in the past are finally proving their worthlessness, and reveal the true depth of the dilemma in all its gory details.

We cannot keep recycling the same ideological tropes in hopes one of them will succeed in pulling our collective fat out of the fryer. The Far Wrong and the Radical Whack-Pack both fear the notion of "globalism," and for not so different reasons. They use different rhetoric, but in the end, they are both nativists at heart. But nativism has never truly been a bulwark against the outside world, my readers - its all around us, that Big Bad World out there, and we damn well better learn to live in it, with something at least approaching harmony, or as the saying goes, we be gone, and we be stayin' gone.

There are no boundaries for air, for water. There is no way we are going back to the days (which, lets admit it, never really happened after all - Ozzie and Harriet was a fiction, ya'll,) when we were over here, they were over there, and we/they could ignore the other, unless they/we had something we/they wanted to take, when of course we/they would go over and whupp they/we until we/they got what we wanted, and then we/they went home, and, er, well...actually...WE hardly EVER went home, except when we got our butts handed to us. So, gee, I guess we need to rethink that isolationist/nativist thingy, wouldn't ya think?

So, dear reader, I leave you with two questions: Do you think it might be time to seek some new brand of pragmatism toward dealing with our political, social, environmental, etc., problems? And, if so, how might we start that conversation? Let's have some discussions, whether here, or your place, I don't really care. I just want to get started, because truthfully? I don't really think we have that much time to start fixing things. And some of those things are well and truly busted.

I think even the smallest amount of reflection will show that, no matter what you call it, extremism is NEVER in defense of Liberty - its only in the justification for oppression. Barry Goldwater notwithstanding.

Next time, back to my usual snarkism.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Idiocracy, 2.0 - or - How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bums

If there is one thing that really gets my goat, it's that there isn't just one thing that really gets my goat. My duck? That's another topic. But my goat? Well, the real question is usually, where to start?

Scott Brown is very afraid that Rachel Maddow wants his seat. But that is patently absurd - Rachel has a much better seat that Brown, and, despite her well-stated sexual preferences, still looks better in spandex. Deal with it, Brownie! As we continue to see, the Far Wrong isn't just the single largest purveyor of ad hominem filth, they are also the party of "oh, god, they didn't just really say THAT, did they?"

And their "supporters", who should rightly be called their "jock straps," seem to feel that living in their violence and black-helicopter fantasy land is actually going to solve the myriad problems facing the country, nay, the world today. Tsk. It seems that the movie, Idiocracy, is proving to be farther from the truth than we first suspected - the movie itself offered hope for the idiots, whereas this present collection of buffoons is so far and away beyond the depictions in the movie it seems a more cynical sequel than even Hollywood could dream up.

As for whether the Far Wrong and it's tiny-brained offshoot, the Tea bagger's Union, represent any kind of majority? Well, their recent foray into the Nevada desert drew a whopping 7000 fanatics to relive their biblical re-enactment ceremony, whereas Burning Man had that many just for the food service. And I sincerely doubt their "loaves and fishies" franchise was even remotely capable of feeding the entire frenzied mini-crowd. But hey, we all gotta have time out for mental hygeine. But "majority?" Uh, hmm, er,.....nope. Unless we're talking a "majority" of wing nuts, in which case I'll admit, they have the franchise.

But let's just get one thing straight, besides Barney Frank (badda-boom)! I sincerely doubt, and you Far Wrong-oids are quite invited to disprove this, that one of the Mad Haters at the tea party are without insurance, have any preexisting condition (besides that lump on your shoulders), or have yet to have your company pull up stakes and head to China. But for those one or two that have, uh, simple question: what's your problem? You LIKE being behind the eight-ball? Or is this all just about what Jimmy Carter called it as - white-people fear of the dark? 'Cuz truthfully?

I have yet to see many "people of color" in your ranks. I wonder why that is?


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Mob Mentality Is The Order of the Day - Big Surprise!

So it has come to this - verbal and physical threats against politicians who voted the way YOU didn't want them to. Wow. You dipwads on the Far Wrong sure are clear on the concept of representative democracy, ain'tcha? About that pesky Constitution - Second Amendment = fine and dandy,all the rest of that Godless Communist BS? Throw it and the kooks who wrote it right into the crapper! hell, yes! Er, what's that? Same guys? Really!!?? Ah, hell, let's hang 'em all, anyway - they don't agree with Rash Limpbarger and Glenoid Beck-Beck, so they don't agree with us!! We aim to throw tea parties till hell freezes over, if that's what it takes to keep our country from offering health care to those who are too lazy to pay all their money to the corporations what are real citizens of this here God-fearin' Capitalistic Plutocracy to Which We Belong!

A little over the top? Nah. If these bozitos can shout "baby killer" on the floor of the Senate, I can shout "nincompoop" on the floor of the Titanic, which is, after all, the perfect metaphor for these last days of the Empire.

Suck on THAT, She-Rah!!


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Is it just me, or does Jihad Jane look like Aileen Wuornos, as portrayed by Charlize Theron?  See for a better look-see. Just askin'.

40,000 year old tools left at construction site . So what's new? My surgeon left some old pliers in my spleen, and did HE get front page mention? Nooo.

So THAT'S how Tiger does it!

Greenspan Concedes That the Fed Failed to Gauge the Bubble

"Honest, I never realized my Bazooka Joe could even GET that big. I wasn't even chokin' or nothin'! My bad - sorry!!

On more serious fronts, has anybody else been noticing how men's underwear is getting thinner all the time? I mean, what do they expect us to do to hide the padding?

And what's up with this obesity campaign? I thought the whole point of being a good US citizen was being a better-than-average consumer. What a better way to both consume AND store vast quantities, without ever leaving the mall?

 Don't you just love all these global climate change deniers? They are now pointing out that, due to all the snow the country got this year, that's complete proof that Al Gore is a block-head. So what are they going to say this summer, when the heat releases ten trillion mosquitoes? "Oh, Old Al musta planted 'em?" Hey, where was he keeping them, I wonder? Musta been up Old Rusty Limpburger's nose. Yep, makes sense to me!

Like Scoop used ta say - if ya don't like the noose, go out and hang one of your own!



Monday, March 15, 2010

More Crazy-Assed Stuff for the Discerning

Just saw one of those instant plumber trucks, you know, the rooter dudes. This one was called (and I kid you not,) Rooter Bong. Uh, you wanna see some really good s**t? Its either a party truck, or this joker has some really "unique" ways of unclogging the drains. Either way? I don't really think he's gonna be my first call.
Smoky Joe's Bong Master Deluxe? Got them on insta-dial.

Charlie Sheen has pleaded not guilty, once again. That's not funny. What is funny, is Charlie, pleading. Somehow, I just don't see it.

Bradley Blakeman of FOXed Nudes is complaining he went on MSNBC and got "amBushed" and was "rudely interrupted" numerous times. And isn't that staple entertainment on FOXed? Boo-hoo, Brad. Now man-up and get back to your usual unfair and unhinged reporting, 'K?

Liz Cheney is trying to "Keep America Safe." She could start by sending her father to the tribal regions. No, not in Pakistan - in Texas. With all the loose canons down there, not to mention all the handguns, its just a matter of time before there's another "hunting accident." That oughta keep us all a lot safer. Then maybe she could work on getting that voice-box removal she keeps promising us.

CDC makes no-sail recommendation for cruise ship

Funny - I never noticed those things even had sails. 

Toyota wants us all to slow down. That's all. No jokes. Just slow down.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Hey, If Ya Gotta Hurl, Just Don't Do It in the Hospital!

If you, my singular reader, have despaired of me being less-than-regular, I pray thee forgive moi. I have went and gone got meself stuck in the flypaper that is the "Great US Health Crass System." Doctor says 3-5 days in the hospital, Anthem says screw that, ya gots 2, sucka! Doctor says we need another MRI, Anthem says, use a frakkin' Polaroid, sucka! Doctor says take this pain medication, Anthem says, bite this piece of bark, sucka! Oh, and sucka? Now you pay us 39% more, or you can take a long nose dive off a short ladder. "Sucka" is right.

On the upside, Rash Limpburger stated the other day he will leave the country if the Prez's health care plan passes. See? There is a silver lining. Well, aluminum foil, at least. All this damn cold weather we've been having? Cap'n Windbags, of course! All this gridlock on Corruption Hill? Olde Blowhard, once again! See all the wrongs we could right?

But seriously, folks. Can I call you folks? It seems so, well, homey, eh? Folks, I gotta plan I think yer gonna like! Yep, a real plan. It goes like this: If ya get sick, go to your local State house, and puke on their floor. If enough people do that, especially if a dozen or so do it simultaneously, well, I think they'll notice how sick those jerkoffs are making the rest of us. This way we can kill (OK, euthanize) several lobby-birds with one upchuck - highlight the need for user-friendly health coverage, and a direct comment on what we really think of the current crop of politicos of all stripes. And for every day they sit around and jabber, or for every dollar they rake in from corporate swine and lobby-monkeys, another dozen floor paintings. I recommend chili-con-carne - leaves a real mess.

OK, maybe you don't care for direct action. Try this. Call the bozitos and tell them you won't vote for them anymore. Do that every day for a week with each of your so-called "representatives" and get all your friends to do the same thing. You think those lobbyists (what, do they have couches and side tables on them, or what?) will have as much clout as something like that? No frakkin' way, Carl! They hear from 100 hundred constituents a day telling them they have a drop-dead sell-by date, and believe you me, they'll get crackin' right quick! The corporate stooges wave bucks, but the voter waves yer ass bye-bye, baby!

OK, so now ya can't tell me I ain't tryin' to contribute to a solution, can ya? As Scoop Nisker used to say, "If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own"!!


Monday, March 8, 2010

Red Rove-er, Red Rove-er, Er, Send a Vomit Bag Right Over

Well, Pea-Brained Karl (ain't talkin' Marx here, Kiddies!) has just unleashed another piece of prime hyperbole and fanciful fabrications onto the world in the form of a piece of pulp fiction called (get ready - wait for it - hold your breath!_ "Courage and Consequences." And let's get right to it, shall we?

"Courage?" You must mean as in Courage the Cowardly Yellow Dog, right? Hell, Far Right, er, Wrong, is closer to the "truth" (which must always be in quotes when uttered in the same country as Karly-boy.) This twit has the courage of a school-yard bully, at best, and at worst, less than dead slime mold. Let's face it - when you invesnt lies and dirty tricks and then hide behind your candidate, when you deny having done these same things by saying things like "I don't think the American voter is that stupid" (when he actually does), and when he has no apologies for having foisted G. Bush on the American voters and taxpayers not once but twice, well, he did justifiably earn the name "Turd Blossom," I have to give him that.

And "Consequences?" Er, what consequences? You mean the fiscal meltdown brought about on his Butt-Boy's watch? You mean the involvement in a war we had no business starting? You mean the loss of millions of jobs and millions of foreclosures and millions of retirement savings? You mean those consequences? I see. And I suppose that means there are no consequences for his own actions? Well, folks, this is America, where the voters are only stupid when they turn on you, but not when you screw the hell out of them. No siree! Then they are "concerned and involved," right? People, this is the guy Orwell used to illustrate "double-speak", and Rovy has it down to "double-plus un-good" if ya get my slow drift to oblivion.

Gee, cynical much? Noooo, why would you say such a thing?! I am a true believer. I just believe the opposite of what Turd-Boy believes. He believes he CAN fool all of the people all of the time.

Unfortunately, unless you-all decide to call him on his lies, well, he just may be right.


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

All Enamel, Baby! Or, Zippin' Down The Highway of Life in the Ricky Lane

Enamel coatings tend to make things all slick and shiny. Way hella lots o' money does the same thing. But when you put the two together, well, now we talkin' 'bout Shinny Happy People!! Take Rick "Self Serving" Perry down Texas way, tryin' to take the Gov mansion by advocating secession (and spendin' moolah like there's no tomorrow ((and maybe there ain't)). Yep. You heard that right - secession, as in, "it's our State and dammit, we are shuttin' down ALL the damn borders and declarin' our bad selves a separate country." Yee-friggin-ha! Well, it is Texas, and there are more tea baggers per square inch than anywhere outside of Wasilla, but still, talk about dirty pool filled with freshly-minted currency! Boy's got game!

Now, before all you folks out there think I've gone and lost my sad little mind, hear me out. I think a case can be made for old Rick-boy's idee majeur. , as it were. Them tea baggers seem to want their own country, or at least kick the rest of us out of ours, so I say, Texas? Not a bad start. Let's throw in Florida, Oklahoma, and Alaska, but no fly-over rights - don't really trust their pilots, if ya get my drift. I think they would have a) enough room; b) enough natural and unnatural resources; c) the people who don't want to be part of this less-than-grand Confederacy (oops, did I just coin a name for their new country? Maybe!), can move into the houses vacated by all the tea baggers and television/radio crap-yackers who opt to join the Degeneracy, er, Confederacy (gonna take some time to get this to just roll off the tongue, instead of making me gag); and d) have all the wrestlin', shootin', and screamin' time they all want.

Then maybe, just maybe, we give Vermont to the Demoncrats who keep waffling. It'll keep 'em in syrup for years.

The rest of us might finally be able to get some real things accomplished to put our (at that point) slightly fractured Nation back on track. To paraphrase John Lennon:

You may say I'm a dreamin', but I ain't the only one!


Monday, March 1, 2010

Olympic-level Headache - or, Their Frontal Lobes Don't Go All The Way To The Top Floor

OK, right here and now, full disclosure - I have been known to be fiscally conservative. It's my burden to carry the shame, but there it is, out there for all to see. For example, I always go for the cheapest items on the menu. And I have cut back on washing my car to twice a year - unless it rains - then I just drive fast afterward to shed the dirt. And I reuse those cup warmer/insulator thingy sleeves, sometime ten or more times. Least I can do, the way I see it. Oh, and sometimes I eat soup. From a can. Saves water, you see - don't have to wash the pot.

Now that I have that out of the way, let's take a look at those other so-called conservatives, you know, the Wrong Wing? Seems they really like to slam the "liberals" (I use that word with caution these days - there are an awful lot out there who wear that name who aren't even close - you know who I am talking about), mostly over passing "Big Programs." But what was the Bush Tax Relief Act for the Super Wealthy, if not a "Big Program" that has cost the guvmint massive deficits?

Let's talk a little turkey, eh? First, you want to fix a problem already in play when you get the job. You of course want to pay back all your supporters, but, well, it seems there are facts on the ground that resist the magic wand of wishful thinking. So. What do you do? Well, for starters, what you DON'T do is cut your own legs out from under you, not if you are really a "conservative." No, first, as our good buddy Hippocrates said, you do no harm. If your aim is to shore up the foundation, you don't start by adding another story first - you fix the damn foundation with the idea of adding an extra story factored into the building plan. Put another way, you don't sell your horse just before its time to haul your crop to market. Which, strangely enough, is what the so-called conservatives in the Bush disministration did - they cut taxes to those most able to pay while already starting to enter a deficit after inheriting - wait for it - a surplus. A friggin' surplus! And, they chose to fight two wars, when only one of them was actually necessary. Nice timing.

Fast forward (painfully) to today. The Prez, yep, inherits a deficit, not just a small one, mind you, but a real whopper, and when he has to choose the demon we know over the one we don't, or at least hope we don't have to, well, how is that his fault? His job, near as I can tell, is to try and steer the ship o' State away from the rocks, and into clear and calm waters. But he doesn't just inherit the biggest damn deficit and debt burden in the history of the freakin' world, no, he also inherits a financial-sector friggin' meltdown, set in motion by the excesses of lazy-unfair greed-centered capitalistic orgies. And because he still doesn't have this Godzilla-set of problems solved and everyone in America back to work making an easy six-figure payday after his first year in office? Well, that means he is a failed president. Anybody remember G. Bush? Hell, no.

So you Wrong Wingers want to harp about fiscal conservatism? Then show me the freakin' money! You want your wars to continue? Pay for them! You want your precious Wall Street friends to keep bailing you out of your reelection jitters? I guess you better keep bailing THEM out, right? But you keep wanting to do it with MY money! And that, my bozitos, is the friggin' CRUX of the problem. You want to cut the taxes of the super-wealthy and keep them low forever? Fine. You and them can go to all those private islands the rich own, and become your own banana-split republic. And figure your own way out of your own problems, instead of getting richer off the problems you-all created!

The rest of us? We have a damaged nation to repair, thanks to you and your "special friends." So scram. Go away. Mad or otherwise, we don't really care.

Just stop selling us the fake-conservatism you pretend to champion.

'Cause you-all? You only champion your own wealth. And the country be damned.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Don't Ask, Don't Yell - The Eternal Party of "NO" Finally Comes Out of the Closet

Ya gotta love those Repugnants - they sure are Olympic-level champions of the insincere deflected question. Every time someone asks them what it is they "really want" (as though we all don't know!) regarding the health careless system, they always respond with things on the order of "As long as the Democrats refuse to compromise, there is no room for discussion." Uh, right - its the fault of everyone else - the Repugs didn't break the economy - Little Jimmy Obama did. Its not the Repugs who won't compromise on the bill, its the Dems who keep saying poopy things about poor, downtrodden, helpless little ol' us!

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh -uh -no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. These jokers are on the loosing bobsled team of the present day, and they intend on dragging the whole country down with them if they can't play the game their way. Screw everyone else - we're taking our (and your) ball and going home to where the lobbyists roam. Typical bully behavior.

Ya know, I am not as sure as most seem to be that the tea party will have room at the table for some of these bozos later on. See, the problem with creating extreme polarization is, it damns you, too. You may THINK its giving you an advantage, but sooner or later, its gonna bite you right in the asinine ideals you try to shove down everyone else's throats. Take this idea of reconcilliation, for example. The Repugnants know what it is - they've used it themselves to ram stuff down the Nation's throats fully 18 times since the 1980s, including the infamous Gingrich "Contract on America." And look how long THAT lasted. Not to mention the enmity it created not much later among the voting populace.

So now it looks as though the Demoncrats will have to resort to the same device to get any damn thing done in this "not on our goddam watch" minority-controlled Congress. Wow. And here all this time they've been railing against minorities - turns out, they just wanted to be one themselves. Aww, its OK, all is forgiven, come on in for a round of kumbaya, ya'll!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (you know, the one where all the cowboys are out of work and paying through their saddle sores for hernia repair), the rest of us total suckers keep kissing the butts of one corporate greed-rapist after another, only to find out they left us high and dry in the morning. Granted - they DID come back in the evening to finish the repossession, but all we ended up with was a more severe case of SDTs - Spit on, Dumped on, and Taken. , and I don't mean for a ride in the country, I mean taking the country for a long ride off a short pier.

So here is a small suggestion for both "parties" who think we are the party to take their favors from - back off. You were hired (yeah, yeah, "elected" - gimme a break - you were hired by the special interests who bought the "election" for you - we ain't THAT stoopid,) to be OUR representatives, and to do the job FOR THE COUNTRY,  not for you and your "special friends." So get back to work, doing the real people's work. And right quick, ya dig? You may THINK you have everything sewn up for a coup in the midterm "elections," but don't say we didn't warn ALL of you.

Things have a funny way of doing the opposite of what you want them to do. Especially with the voters.


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Cruel to be Kind, In Whatever Measure

Watching the Olympics? Hey, of course I am, though in general, I am not "into" sports. Find most of the sports today to be a waste of time. But the Oly's? Freakin' fantastic, for the most part. Take the very human face of the Canadian Joannie Rochette, whose mother passed away at the Games two days prior to her performance last night. Yet she went on, and got the bronze, before breaking down. Now, I don't know about you (really - I don't - I am not the government or the school board), but to go on and perform in front of the world just after the death of a parent, and to do it with grace and dignity? Well. Just, well. Very humbling (though not to the tea party, I bet.) I know I couldn't have begun to match that performance - not the skating (I'm hopeless, let's face it,) but the ability to hold up and go "on with the show." Talk about a great athlete.

Her performance put to mind other great Oly moments - Ali with the torch, for example. Here is a venue in which the world competes - without killing each other! Incredible! Are there moments of controversy? hell, yes. But the focus remains on everyone doing their personal best, something the rest of us need to give far more consideration as regards our own lives. Is our personal best achieved when we hurt another person, or when we find a way to make our differences clear while retaining respect for each other as fellow humans? (Oh, I can hear the whining already - "Communist", "socialist." "Liberal." Hey, I prefer, human.

Try it out. It's got a nice ring. AND, you can dance to it!!


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Cheney Down, Punching All The Way to the Canvas! Crowd On It's Feet!

Its not supposed to be nice to applaud someone's potential demise, unless its bin Laden, or Hitler, or some horrible miscreant who has sullied the human race's "good name" (ahem!). But I have to add the Dick-meister's name to that sordid list, if only for his, what in other times would be called, seditious speech and behavior. He is about one adjective away from calling for open insurrection, and goading on the more insane among the populace. When one looks at what the Tutsi's managed to foment against the Hutu's (or was it the other way around? No matter - they did the usual tit-for-tat, anyway), then it is not a far stretch from that to firing up the malcontents here in a country that has more armaments per capita than all the machetes in Rwanda, by about a 1000 to one ratio.

So the way I see it, chest pains aren't even close to what this cretin needs to feel, if in fact Darth Vader is even capable of feeling at all. Throat excision might be a reasonable start. "Oh", you whine, "so you are against free speech for the other side, is that it?" No, not so, except to the extent it is not considered free speech to shout fire in a crowded smoking tent. The Far Wrong has been trying to curtail free speech for decades, from textbooks, to library books (freakin' Huck Finn, for Chesty Morgan's sake!) to people who voted for Ralph Nader. OK, maybe not that last one, but still, the track record of the Wing Nuts on the issue of wanting others to shut the frak up is without peer. So my wanting the Dick-meister to shut the frak up is, I think, in the same spirit as the spewings from Tush Limpburger. Oh, don't get me started.

As long at the Repugnants insist on flaunting candidates like She-Rah Pail-In and an entire passel of no-nothing, see-nothing nut-jobs onto the world stage, well, I just gotta be greatful when the fickle finger of fate nails one of these cheese-for-brains and brings them down to the reality many are having to face every day - no jobs, no or far too expensive health care (protection racket) insurance, and a host of other base-line crapola. Maybe they would slowly start to change from the Party of No, to a party more concerned with people than with their corporate butt-buddies.

Me? I ain't holding my breath. Except when the stink is more than I can bear.

Besides - my stinkin' "insurance" company doesn't cover preexisting political disgust.


Saturday, February 20, 2010

Where I Come From, Farmers Shoot The Damn Crows!

There is a special place in hell and literature for those who spit nasty at others and then complain and weep and moan when they get a little back. Self-inflation and its inevitable consequences have all the allure of a train wreck, without any of the redeeming features, such as the opportunity for heroism. When you go and stick your face into the blades of whirling public scrutiny, don't be surprised when you get turned to pulp.

It seems the Queen of the Moose, She-Rah, went and done another dumb-ass mouth-flappin'. And this time it was over a cartoon character! Well, wouldn't ya know it? Seems she was all gefiltefishy over the character of a young girl/teenager (who can tell with cartoons characters? No, really - who can tell?) who had Down's syndrome. I mean, what temerity!! to dare make fun of someone who is different? And this despite defending Rushy-pants Limpburgher's comments about "retards" after railing against a slip-o-the-lip from that Jewish guy at the Mixed-race House over there in the D.C. Yep. She gave Fatty Tarbuckle's a pass!! Go figure.

Anyhoo, here's the pickle part of the deal. Seems the young woman who actually voiced the cartoonish character on The Family Guy, herself, well, has Down's Syndrome. Hmm. Seems she makes a living as an actor and voice-over person. So, self-employed? Sounds free enterprise, don't she? And has a sense of humor, right? Sounds kinda normal-ish to me.

But as far as She-Rah goes, she'd just as soon carry her little Trig under her arm like a loaf of Frenchy bread (not my words, folks) while simultaneously asking us all to condemn someone making a living and excersizing her First Amendment right to free speech and all that ACLU-y stuff, as long as she can milk it for her own ends. But we shouldn't be surprised, should we?

Pride, as the old saw has it, goeth before a fall. But it doesn't tell you what you are going to land on when you do. Could be pillows (unlikely) or could be pitchforks, ya never can tell.

Remember them pesky old Greeks, founders of democracy and all that uncomfortable stuff? Well, they had a word for these red-faced baboons on the Far Wrong right about now.


The gods have a little issue with that. And if you've been paying any attention to the history of the last, oh, I don't know, 4000 years of history, then you should have a pretty decent idea of what they like to do to folks what displays that particular vice, eh?

I'm going for the plague of locusts, myself.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

Abbattoir!!! Now In 3-D!!!

"Abattoir" is the enchanting story of a Party of Red-State beings who, determined to retake their ravaged nation from the invading Liberal Elites, dress themselves in the haunted past of a Nation that never really was, but in the imaginations of those timeless dunces, McCarthy and Birch. An enormous gathering of the T-Ballers. as they come to call themselves, led by the Incredibly Dubious She-Rah, Queen of the Moose Tribe, they vow to work their magic and unleash The Hounds of the Corporate Skulldulligans, dripping with moolah and greed, to venture forth and wreck havoc on the forces of the Obama-Monsters until they smite them and drive their abhorrent offspring back into the foul lands of Berkeley and Princeton, and similar islands of tepid commitment inhabited by other Ilk of the Blue People.

Unfortunately, when the Grand Gatherinbg of the T-Ballers takes place, there arise Dissenters in their midst, led by the affable and gentle Rushmount Limbergher, who rises to taunt the She-Rah with shouts of "Retard, weenie, pretzel-head and meanie!" Soon, the cry is taken up by many in the mob, who perhaps mistakenly believe this to be their new-ish battle cry. She-Rah leaves the altar in tears, but not before making a curse upon the Little People who throw themselves at the feet of the Limbergher-man, that they shall wander in the wilderness of Little Rock and its environs for Lo! these many years without hope for succotash and other edible garments. The Media Mavens have a field day, and proclaim the T-Ballers another Smashing Failure, dead at their own damp hands.

The film ends with an enormous party in the Land of Berkeley, which predictably devolves into an orgy of finger-pointing and factionalism, leaving the entire field as open as it ever was.

I'm afraid I have to give this film two thumbs down. Throw 'em to the lions, Mel!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

It Felt So Good Slamming The Door on His Finger The First Time, We Want to Do it Again!

At this point, if the Prez were to suggest invading the rest of the world, put an oil rig in every back yard, build nuke plants all over the country, and give rich folk the only vote in all matters before Congress, I'm convinced the Repugnicants would find something wrong with every single proposal. And the Demoncritters would be falling all over themselves to shuffle and prevaricate. (((yawn))) Well, what's the point grumbling about the jackdaws - ya just know they won't be quiet, and they will poop all over everything anyway, so we may as well raise the umbrellas and invest in an earplug company.

So let me ask all you folks out there a simple question - this partisans**t working for you? Gettin' the jobs back? Fixin' the roads? Keepin' the schools open and strong? Stayin' out of yer bedroom?

And about that "no new taxes" thang - keepin' things nice and cozy for ya? I mean, how ya gonna be happy with failed roads if you have to keep replacing tires at twice the normal rate?

And no "government run health care," how's that working? MY so-called insurance plan just jacked my rates up by more than $150 above the already insane rate I currently pay. Funny thing about that - I am having surgery in March, right? So, they have to do all that pre-approval stuff, right? And so, and so, well, I just got screwed again. And I didn't even climax. But you can bet yer booty, bubba, the insurance, er, protection racket sure as hell did!

Oh, I'm sorry - you think the issue is government intrusion into an already working system, right? Wow - where were you when you passed out the pickles, eh? Here's the fine point on that pencil, folks - - - - IT AIN"T WORKING NOW!!!!! We got private corporations making us all poorer, but blaming the government for the happiness such a system provides? Come on, people!! Wake up!!! Yer fallin' for the biggest snow-job every concocted.

Ya need to protect yer credit score, ya gotta have health insurance, car insurance, homeowner's insurance, walking down a public street insurance (cops), leaving buildings alive insurance (fire/building codes), on and on, and on! You've been totally hornswoggled! In fact, yer so blinded to the reality that is the so-called "free market," you can't even ENTERTAIN the idea you have, along with millions of yer fellow sheep, been, oh, how can I say this? Uh - led astray? Bullshitted? Lied to? Spit on with a handshake and a kick in the pants? Hey, pick yer own metaphor - they all apply.

So I don't want to hear this "keep the government out of my doctor's office" crap, 'cuz its already there. It's just that its been "privatized," and called "insurance companies" instead. Which, (oh, I can't believe I even have to point this out) means you, yes you, bucko, are simply paying a middle man, who doesn't even have to put anything back into the kitty, meaning, of course, the Treasury of the People of the United States.

So, good on you - ya killed any kind of reasonable approach to health insurance reform.

Feelin' better now? Hey, Doc! Give the kid a sucker.


Monday, February 1, 2010

Toyota's Done For; Ford Exhaults! It's Pedal to the Metal Time!!!

Ya know, 's funny, the way some folks hear things. For example - I say the weathers a bit unpredictable, sure as snot, some bozito is gonna say, "man, more rain?" Despite it having not rained for several years. Or, to put a finer point on it, say some big car company finally admits they have a problem with a component on some of their models, so they do the right thing and not only issue a quiet, under the counter type recall, but these guys actually go the next step of Zounds! closing down production and sales until they actually can fix the problem. And not only issue a recall, but open special repair centers to speed the process for owners of their vehicles. Yeah, I know, a VERY far-fetched scenario, but try to stay with me on this.

So say, by way of such an example, folks respond by saying such idiocies as "I'll never by one of those Flotsom's again, ya just ain't safe. I'm going back to a domestic model" (what's that, a shapely house keeper?) This despite the fact the Flotsom has the single best safety and reliability factor of any car on the road. And equally despite the fact the other car companies (most especially those "domestics" ) have about the worse reliability records, and, oh yeah, announce sotto voce nearly every year recalls up the exhaust pipe! But do the bozitos stop and think about the relativistic implications? That more than half of the models in Flotsam's fleet are just peachy, thank you? Or that Flotsom is being very public about this, spending what may very well amount to billions to fix the problem, that has, TO DATE, amounted in less than 20 known mishaps associated with said problem?

No, Virginia, they do not. Stop and think, that is. Instead, they go all "oh, my, the sky has fallen and I can't get up" stuff. 'Course, these are likely the same people who think the government should stay out of the health care bidness, while apparently failing to have heard about, uh, Medicare? Veteran's Hospitals?

Let's face it - that movie, "Idiocracy"? Definitely non-fiction.


Friday, January 29, 2010

Pot Calls Kettle, Uh, Red?

The Prez gave his State of the Dis-Union speech this week, said some nice things, etc., had the usual crowd yeah-ing, and the other usual crowd spitting milk out of their noses. Alito looked as though he'd been stuck with a lemon-drop martini into his right eye, some Repugnicant gov gave the usual tainted-bromide response, and therein revealed the truth of the entire matter. No surprise, really. I mean, we all know damn well the Repugs cannot abide that colored guy messin' up their White Guy House, no surprise. But when they lay it out as a bald-faced truth about their , uh, thinking? on this topic, well, just a breath of pig swill, ain't it?

Every time I hear the likes of John-boy Boehnhead spit out stuff like "whenever the President wants to stop being partisan, we are ready to work with him." To do a disservice to the late great Jimi Hendrix, excuse me while I kiss the toilet. Just when have the Repugnicants ever even TRIED to be bi-partisan? Certainly not since the colored guy assumed their precious seat of power, that's for sure. Maybe its the word, what do you think? "Bi" partisan? I mean, these bozitos will screw anything with money, but if they have to actually ADMIT they could be a partner in solving this nation's woes, well, their acute homophobia kicks in. Wouldn't do to have their constituents think they were "gettin' cozy with the guys" now, would it?

Come on, people! This is the problem with extreme ideologies: screw the other guy while cloaking yourself in the mantle of righteousness. I see no substantial difference between the Far Wrong in this country and the Taliban. Both refuse to rest until all apostates are "converted" or eliminated, whether by bullet or ballot, as long as the "unbelievers" get the hell out of the way. Extremists are only different from each other in the type and degree of weaponry, with no real difference in motive or sense of God on their side and the devil to the rest of you.

People, we are ALL in deep doo here. And whatever your political stripes, the effect of the current disastrous state of the union is such that Repugs and Demoncrats, so-called In-depends, agnostics, and anarchists are all going down with the ship. Only the rich are staying somewhat above water. So why is it, that someone like John and Jane middle America, up to their throats in debt, fear and loathing, still allow themselves to fall for one set of political promises after another without EVER considering how the consequences, intended or otherwise, are going to make things even worse for them than it's already been for the past eight or none years? Face it - no politician makes a promise they can ever really keep. Even those who are candid about the reality have little power. Obstructionist on both sides of the aisle prevent anything from happening that doesn't benefit their rich and corporate butt-buddies, while simultaneously depriving the rest of us with anything resembling a fair deal.

I recently read a comment on some other blog, can't recall where it was or who said it, but the thought is what counts, eh? The posted offered an excellent idea - as long as the corporations keep buying politicians, we are always the ones getting screwed. Therefore, stop voting for any incumbent, except those who can prove they have taken NO corporate bribes, funding, etc., until the corporations start to realize they won't have the same guy/gal from one election cycle to the next, and start to see they are wasting their bribes. Lets turn over the slate in every election - Fed, state, and local - except for those who can show, with complete transparency, they only accept campaign donations of say, $500 or less from any given contributor, and none at all from any corporation. Throw all the other bums out. Will we lose some good and otherwise honest people? Sure. But since the Suckdream Court essentially gave the Government over to the corporatsnaktions, this is essentially the only real power we the people have left. So why not, as they say, get a little excersize?

Between the ineffectiveness of the Demoncrats, and the arrogance and intransigence of the Repugnicants, the idea of the Prez, of whatever stripe, actually getting things fixed in this country is as absurd as saying there will finally be individual jet-packs available for you and me, fifty years after they were promised by Popular Science. Hell, we don't even have jet-powered skateboards yet!

So, we have two choices: sit down, shut up, and spend every last dollar on crap you don't need, or stand up, make noise, and put your money where your mouth is.

Don't you think its time to send the Extremes packing?


Sunday, January 24, 2010

You Want The Truth? We All Have Problems, But There Are Some Whose Troubles Seem Beyond The Pale

An article on the front page of today's NY Times, Cultural Riches Turn to Rubble in Haiti Quake, mentions one Paul Jude Camelot, who is an artist in that ravaged nation. He lost all his artwork, but worse, he lost all the fingers on both hands. Now, I don't know about you, but I am going to do whatever I can to help this fella. First, I intend to raise money to help him get treatment, and also to help him get back to his art. Unlike Pat Robertson, I know the difference between Christian charity and bullshit masquerading as holy jabber.

So, I am asking my one or two readers to send this blog to at least five other people, and ask them to do the same. I want you all to dig deep, five or ten bucks (come on, you can part with that much, I know it - ain't ONE of us whose got less than this fella) and I am going to seed the fund with $100.00 If you can match that amount, your name and photo (if you want, not if you don't) will be put here on the front page of the endoftheworldetc and you will be lauded and praised for all time (or, until the Internet collapses, but that won't be MY fault.) 

The fund will be set up with An international arts organization (Still working to get this finalized, I'll update by tomorrow), who will use funds collected to a) have devices called opposers made for Mr. Camelot's hands, so that he can grasp and hold everyday objects - cup, fork, pen - as well as his paintbrushes; and b) get funds directly to Mr. Camelot, and to the school he was attending, the Ecole Nationale des Arts. Help me help him and his fellow students (those who have survived) get back their educational opportunity, and help Haiti get back a bit of its cultural treasures. The arts, contrary to the insane claims of the anti-arts Far Wrong of the Pat Robertson/Jerry Falwell ilk, are often the one thing that can lift people's hope, and if what we are seeing of the disaster in Haiti is even the smallest portion of what has occurred, as I strongly suspect, then these people need all the hope they can get.  

So, what's it gonna be? Here is one thing to think about, even those out there who believe it cannot happen to them - it can happen to you. Earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, fires, etc., they happen to people all over the world, yes, Virginia, even here in America. One day, you may find yourself in similar circumstances. Where do you think help is gonna come from? 

Only from people who are generous and caring. 

That's you, isn't it?


Friday, January 22, 2010

Oh, Great. Now the Crows Are Gonna Poop on Everything!

Ever notice how some species get all in a huff when they don't get their way? And then when they DO get their way, they are still in some version of a huff? Or how some creatures just can't help but wallow in their own self-aggrandizement? (Sorry - I know it's a bit early for the big words, but I need to get them out of the way early in the day, ya dig?) Anyhoo - the Repugnicants are in full fluff over their twin wins - another Brownie scout, and the latest hit record from the Supremes, wherein their fat cat corporate lap dancers can spew their zillions all over the landscape helping the Far Wrong further drill its nasty little dental drill into the brains of every citizen, without restriction. 'Course, so can the other side, but we know where the biggest trough is and whose allowed at its swill.

And will they be even a wee bit magnanimous in their victory dance? Does the Pope s**t in the woods? Can a bear do a passing imitation of Grover Cleavland at the Ice Capades? Come on - why even bother trying to answer the question, eh,  Bubba? Nah,their gonna rub everyone's face in this stinkin' pile for the entire foreseeable future. Just like they do every day. Big surprise.

But lets not tell them about the price of hubris, what say? 'Cause every time the bozitos fly too close to their own golden sphincters,  well,  lets just say it all won't come off in the wash. It is the one true rule of success - eventually, you gonna fall on your ass in front of the world, especially if you keep waving your arms in self-congratulation. In fact, allow Notumbus Bumbus to make a little prediction here: The Far Wrong are gonna think these two wins mean ultimate victory for their warped crusade to crowd-surf on the heads of everyone and everything they despise (boy, THAT was an easy prediction), and, in their wet-dream of absolute victory, they will unleash their own McCarthy Moment. And I'd say this should be happening right around the next election, where they hope to crush all hope for any real future for the America most of the people want to see flourish.

Now,  I will be the first to admit (no, not to a sexual perversity that will make me lose in my next race to the poorhouse) that this seems an easy prediction. After all, we know how the Far Wrong's butt-boys, like O'Really and Glenny-poo, Hammity and Coult 45, like to open mouth, insert anus. And how their fav fatboy Limbarfer will spew his face off till the cows come home,  get milked,  then return to the field for some more methane spewing. But this time, the hubris will shine most supreme from within the actual elected Far Wrong Frat Party itself, swollen with tumescent pride, and voila! there goes the weasels, doin' the full backpedal. Remember how much the Far Wrong just LOVED the John-boy Edwards debacle? And how every time one of the Repugnicants got caught with their own diddle-and-fiddle "issues"? Remember how well their Teflon worked?

Well, I predict a similar punking, and this time,  that non-stick cooking utensil is gonna make the yolk stick so bad, they won't even be able to get it off with a bucket of Brillo. Because now that all the gloves are off with the corporate donors and all, even THEY won't want to back a candidate with too much smutty stuff on their hands. Because - you know what's coming, right? - corporations are interested in one thing, and one thing only - their money. Can you say "boycott?" Yes, Virginia,many people can. And as they are the one's upon whom the corporations depend for their money, I predict a renewal of the use of, and the success of, the time-honored tradition of money talking, bullshit walking. And let me be even more specific - the perp on the Repugnicant side will be from the Senate. That's right - the House of Cards.

And as we get closer to that Very Special Time,election season, Notumbus Bumbus will be even more specific. You might want to start telling people you read it here first. Call it,  The Pudge report. Yep, as in Masked Pudge (come on, work with me here!)

'Nuff said!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A Wee Vacation, Really, That's All It Was

No, no, no - there is no truth to the rumors circulating all over the Web-o-sphere that Notumbus Bumbus was abducted by aliens loyal to She-Rah Pail-In and whisked off to a tea party for Repugnican wife beaters. He was actually taken to a tea party for the Moose Queen herself, but he managed to escape before Her Big Speech. I mean, who wants to be subject to that form of torture!

Actually, he just went on his first vacation in ten years, only to be washed out by the storm of the century still in progress along the entire Western Edge of Civilization. Can you say "power outages?" Can you say "but I thought YOU brought the inflatable?" Needless to say, (so I won't) it was a complete wash-out. Couldn't find a latte joint to save my wife, er, life. Heh.

And while I'm gone, all hell breaks loose. Wouldn't ya know it? The complete collapse of an entire infrastructure, lives lost, money down the drain, images of horror seared into our eyeballs, pundits gone beyond their usual bonkers states, and feelings of hopeless helplessness. I mean, how the HELL could those Demoncrats EVER think Coakley had the ability to win? And THEN, there was the on-going tragedy that is Haiti.

Before the world could barely react, the Far Wrong's Postal Boy, Limbugger, was already spewing on all things humanitarian directed at those "poor black folk" to the South of Amuricah. This Total Dickwad told the world how using the links,  LINKS, dammit, to organizations such as the Red Cross and Doctors without Borders, posted on the White House web site, was to be giving your money to Obama. Which, as we all know, is merely code for "black folks everywhere." Now, we know Limpburger is a racist asshole, so its not really THAT surprising. But we also know there are literally 1.5 million people (yes, despite Limpdicker's spewing, they ARE people,) completely homeless, without food, water, shelter etc., and despite what the Far Wrongoids fervently believe, that THEY are the Elect and Chosen, and therefor exempt from intelligence and common humanity, and superior to all other life forms, especially those of inferior colors, these PEOPLE deserve a little "Christian" charity. And when these Far Wrongoids rant about their "Christian" superiority and favor in the "Eyes of the Lord," I just gotta puke.

These are the same jokers who patted themselves on the back over that "Good job, Brownie" jerkwad in regards to Katrina, and the African American citizens of New Orleans who got "left behind." And how it was all, "God's punishment" for the City's "sinful ways." I think its well past time for these evil Evangelical ass-wipes to actually READ the so-called "good book" they claim to get their superiority and validation from. But then, they would have to face the harsh facts that it is in fact themselves who need "saving" from their own vomit covered hearts.

Oh, boo-hoo! Is that, once again, too over-the-top for you? Tough nuts! The Far Wrong appears bent on destroying the democratic ideals of this country just to get their own way, and piss on anyone who tries to say there might be something repugnant about the Repugnicants. Well there is,and I will keep saying so until there emerges from the Far Wrong's swamp of nastiness and actually remembers what "conservative" actually means, and has the spine to stand up to these teabaggers and fever-brained spewers of hate and act in the best interests of democracy, instead of bowing and scraping to the nut-jobs claiming the mantle of their "party." (more like a Yale fraternity kegger on steroids, if you ask me, and yeah, you didn't, but there it is.)

As for Haiti, here are the same links found on the White House web site, so I can get the money (right.)


Now, really. Does that look like you are giving money to Obama?  If it does, then I suggest you will be happy with the CURRENT quality of Amurican health care. Good luck with that, bozito!

As for me, I gave what I could to Oxfam, who have been doing the good work out there in countless countries around the world for decades. And never ONCE asked what color anyone was. They just get clean water to the thirsty. More of those "liberal elites," for sure. You think Limbwhacker would give so much as a CUP of water to a thirsty person of color? Boy, do I have a Bridge to Nowhere for you!

Dig deep, and give.You gots lots, so give lots. (Did YOU eat today? Do you have a roof over your head? See?You gots lots!)

Who knows - one day, it might be YOUR ass in a sling - hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, financial meltdowns, what have you, and then, wouldn't you like to know the difference between generosity, and Rush Limpbarfer?


Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Repugnicants Show their (Truer) Colors - Screw You, Poor People!

Well, can't say this is very surprising, given the can't do-won't do attitude from the Far Wrongoids this past year. But still, this is really a new low in an otherwise belly-dragging group of troglodytes. It seems they now are demanding that all Repugnant legislators not only vote against the health care (insurance protection) bill before Congress, but now they are being told they have to work to repeal the law should it pass. The so-called "Club for Growth (their name means, "we will grow whatever we want, wherever we want, and however we want, and if you get in our way, we'll use our Club on your sorry-assed head") is demanding politicians "take the pledge", which is not some way of them promising to keep their wood florors shiny. No, it means do what we tell you to do, or we'll sic our teabaggers on you, and run you out of office.

So there it is, people. The Far Wrong have no interest at all in helping the "people" they claim to represent. All they really want is to divide the country, to keep anything good from happening to anybody except them and their friends. No surprise - they not only have an acute failure of imagination, but a complete abscess of a moral compass. They claim to be Christians?

What a cynical joke.

You want to see this country go the way of a third-world country? These folks can get the job done for you!


Haiti: The Forgotten Country

Sometimes it takes a real disaster to make people remember who their neighbors are. The last time most Americans recall that little island to the south of the U.S. was all those boat people trying to get to somewhere nicer than their perpetually devastated country, many dying in the process, or being turned back by the Coast Guard (and THEN dying.) Its hard not to watch the scenes coming out of Port au Prince right now without thinking about Katrina, but I am sure this President will do the job right this time. No more of that "Good job, Brownie" crap.

Living in an earthquake zone myself, I see in this disaster an abject lesson in preparation and laws pertaining to building codes, and enforcement thereof. Haiti is the slapped-down neighbor of their wealthy "betters," in the Dominican Republic. Seems when the wealthy get tired of their uppity former slaves, the beast solution is to sequester them in their own "enclave," call it a country, and thus be done with any further responsibility. I know a few folks in white sheets kinda envy that solution, but too bad they had to settle for "real change." Not that anything has changed all that much.

Anyway, I suspect there will be the usual snipes from the Far Wrong set in the days ahead, despite their claims to being "christians." Which would just be business as usual, of course. I wonder when Dicky-poo Cheney will spew up next. Probably say something to the effect that Prez Obama "doesn't get security" for wasting troops and money in a country without oil, or some such. Oh, you think I've gone too far? Well, time will tell. (Actually took less than 24 hours! See this.)

As for me, I am donating to the Red Cross and Oxfam, and urge all real Americans to do the same. $5.00, $10.00, $20.00, or more if you can. This is going to be a hard and costly venture, and given our history, I don't think its out of line to say this may be an opportunity for the U.S. to repair its international image to a high degree. For those who could give a fig about our international image, allow me to remind you of a few basic facts (yep, facts. You can check them out for yourself, if you think I'm just jerking you around, OK?)

Where does most of the goods you like to buy everyday come from? How 'bout that oil? Or your cars? Steel? Fruit in winter months? I could go on, but then you'd get upset, and we don't want that, do we? Fact one: our ability to compete in the global market for goods and raw materials is directly impacted by how we are perceived by the world community. Fact two: our security at home and abroad are directly impacted by how we are perceived, especially by countries we are trying to help shed extremist elements in their countries, and those same elements from attacking us. Starting to get the picture?

I hope so, for all our sakes.

By the way, did anyone notice who the first foreign government was who had people landing in Port au Prince with rescue personnel and supplies? Hint: they wore red jumpsuits, and carried a large flag. Give up?


Hows that for us "leading the world?"

Dig deep and give large. Never know when you'll pray for a return favor.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

All the News That Fills Your Bucket List

She-Rah Pail-In will be a "common tatter" on FOXY NotNews. Now, over to you, Moose Queen!

Simon Coward will leave American's Idle to start his own line of undersized pantyhose for unreality show hosts. States irritating wedgies make for "better judging" and a higher voice.

Glenny Beck just said the same-old, same-old today, insists its all a liberal plot to destroy him.

Mark McGuire admits using sterno, just wanted to "Stay Warm," he tearfully admits.

Ayatollah O'Really said America wants him to keep talking about wood shavings, pretzel logic, and the problem of the administration of butt-fat injections into the lower lip of Rushad Limbaughmullah. Cites national security as a rationale for his blanky.

Senator Hairless Reid today announced he will run for re-election after completing treatment for "pale skin disorder."

Google admits it released Nexus One "too early." "We should have waited until Apple took another byte out of our ass's," said company spokesperson Giggles McGursky. She also provided the press in attendance a hard copy of all 47,900,673 returns on the search for "estupido," claiming all were valid returns.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg today found himself surrounded by the potato chip makers of America and pelted with rock salt, after claiming he was on a low-sodium diet, and that all Americans would make him feel better about it if they would just join him on his diet.

Delta Airlines announced today it is raising its luggage fees, to offset what it called "an alarming trend in passengers going commando in the wake of the decision to strip-search all arriving and departing passengers under the new rules for airline security." They said too many passengers were bringing too many extra pairs of underoos, and it was adding to the already overweight "fear capacity limits" demanded by the FAA.

Same-Sex marriage foes today launched a new web site designed to prove once and for all that heterosexuality is "better for you" than what they called "that gay-ey nasty" lifestyle. Commentators include Rush Limbaugh and John Edwards, stalwarts of the married-while-straight movement.

China today test-fired their newest rocket designed to shoot down rouge attacks by Tibetan llamas, who have been launched with alarming frequency off the slopes of Mt. Everrest.

Due to recent scheduling conflicts, NBC today said that Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien would just have to "share the chair." Studio musicians will now be required to randomly stop playing their song every fifteen minutes, and the two hosts will have to "fight it out" for the chair, or take turns sitting on one another's laps.

WHO, the World Health Organization, today announced it was "throwing in the towel" on the whole "pandemic thing," said Dr. Hadda Beenthere. "We are now recommending that people, should they feel something like the flu coming on, simply light up a fatty and toke their troubles away. Besides," she added, "we could all use the vacation."

A recent study that found traces of fecal bacteria on soda fountain machines highlights what many see as a return to "Mayberry Madness," while other experts say the study was just "full of it."

More news in a moment. But first, here's a word from our sponsor, Major League Steroids, for your inner denier.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Daredevil Dems Dumb Down Derring-Do, Drop Dumbell on Own Feet. Duh!

Today's object of ire - Demoncrats. These folks are the world champeen of smackin' theyselves up aside they own heads, and then looking surprised with one of those "where the hell did THAT come from" looks on their duplicitous little faces. Here they have themselves a nice majority, not a big one, mind you, but still, they have victory in their grasp. So what do they do? Exactly what they ALWAYS do - they make another grand snatch at defeat. Seems no matter what lands on their doorstep, they just HAVE to trip over it.

Case in point - health care reform, er, sorry, insurance welfare. Lets see - the Repugnants keep slamming the car door on their silly little fingers, and what do these jokers do? They keep sticking them back in the same door. I dunno, maybe they have some kind of  S &amp M thing going here, who knows. Keep their coalition together to see this ugly puppy through to the finish line? Nah. Keep at least SOME of their promises to the folks what brung 'em to the dance so  they have a reasonable shot at going to the summer cotillion in 2010? Nah. Take the offensive against all the Far Wrong drivel and vitriol, lies and fear talk, so maybe they can show these baloney babies up for what they REALLY are? Hell, no!

Yeah, seems the Democruds just have some deep and abiding need to lose, again and again and again. See, wheelin' and dealin' and dickerin' over the niceties of horsetrading is all well and good. Unless, of course, your opening bid is to flop over on your back and ask the other side to please kick you, hard, and of course they can have what they want. Just how the hell do they expect to get any respect at all, whether from their opponents, or from their constituents? I guess a hundred swats on the fanny from a ping-pong paddle makes them feel like theys representin', or something.

Look, at this point, this so-called health-care reform is shaping up to be nothing more than a lock-down sure thing for the insurance companies, an option I swore was going to be the doing of the Repugnicans, given their long, languid sleaze dance with the Big Corporate Masters they've been sucking at the teats of for decades now. So I have to admit, this one took Notumbus completely by surprise. Seems the shill is on the other foot, now.

And just take a look at their bedfellows - Move On, etc. Urging Obama supporters to give the Prez his "victory" without once applying basic skeptical analysis to the language being foisted on the unwashed masses. Hell, it all but tells us they aim to give the insurance company's carte blanche over the entire country, with fewer safeguards than we have NOW! Why is this so hard to follow for these bozitos? Are they going on the simplistic notion that if Obama says it must be done now, then it must be "all good"? Or are they convinced of their own "specialness" for being on the "righteous" side of history? Well, that often IS the rationale of the Left Overs.

People, here's a little item you might want to mull over the next time you are stuck on the toilet for a while. Do you REALLY think, for even one minute, that the Repugnicans and the Demoncrats, by whatever standard you care to apply, are thinking they are helping YOU and ME with this serious boondoggle? Do you really think they will actually "rein in" those greedy bastards in the insurance (protection rackets) industry? You do??!!

I guess those sugar pills work just as well as the real thing,eh?

Where the hell is my Scotch?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Too Big To Fail? Sorry, Wrong Question...

Lately I've been thinking about this strange analysis of the so-called financial meltdown of the past year or so, where the excuse to bail-out banks and private-sector financial institutions was they were "too big to fail." Of course, most folks bought this BS hook, line, and stinker. Those who railed against it said bailing the bozitos out of their own greed-wrought mess completely undermined the entire idea of free enterprise, where the right to suceed is accompanied by the possibility to fail. If you or I did what these jerk-wads did (by the way - its called "gambling," except with other people's money) we'd either be in jail, or bankrupt. And it would in fact be the right outcome, in most such instances - if you play the game, and lose, that's one thing. If you game the game, on the other hand, well,  you get shot out of a cannon into a brick wall, with only yourself to blame.

But I have come to an entirely different conclusion about all this crap. These jerks weren't "too big to fail." In fact, they are too big to succeed. "What?" you say? Clearly they succeeded - look how they took all our money while posting some of their biggest profits ever! How is that not success?

Look, say you hold some shares of AIG. You turn on the news one day to learn this company has played the market for a fool, but then had all its own markers in the game pulled by their own lenders. Remember, they've done this stupid-ass deed with YOUR money. Which, sorry Charlie, is now worth squat. AI effin G, as only one huge example, has essentially squandered not only said shareholders dollars, but far more importantly, they've essentially pissed on said shareholder's trust, and belief in the system itself. By any measure I can find on the concept of success, this represents a failure of gargantuan proportions. Are they still in business? Yes, Virginia, they are. Are they still rapaciously ripping off the consumer? Yes, Virginia, they most certainly are. Will their stock recover? Oh, hell yes (See P.T. Barnum.)

But the truth is, AIG is a complete failure, as are the other greed-hounds who built this house of credit cards while telling everyone everything was peachy. They have undermined the central thesis of free-market capitalism, which holds that the market itself will determine who should survive, based on such fairy tales as price, quality, speed to market, efficiency, etc. Central to these elements is the notion that every business has both the opportunity to succeed, and the potential to fail. And when failure occurs, others will rush in to take the market. And this is the fairy tale we have all bought into, until now.

These banks and financial houses are in fact too big to succeed. That they needed bailing out from the taxpaying people of this nation is the surest sign of failure - they have NOT survived due to their own hard work and ingenuity - they have survived because they lied and cheated and then got the government to help them scare the holy crap out of the populace, who by then were so freaked they couldn't tell the truth from the lie.

And the truth is, we bought the lie.

We were told this was necessary to prevent a further collapse, a world-wide depression. So what happened? 10% + unemployment is a sign of the success of that plan? Millions of foreclosures is a sign of success? For the bloody fools we call economists, the depression was averted. But for the millions out of work, out of homes, and out of trust, the depression is not only here in force, it keeps looking like its going to become a permanent fixture of the much-vaunted American Dream.

So you tell me - how are these robber-barons doing? If success is measured only by the Machiavellian standard of "I got mine, too bad for you," well, they have certainly succeeded. But if its by the standard set by that Dream, where hard work and honesty will bring success, well...