Abject Failure, or, How The "Christian" Wrong Got So Wrong

Now, just to set the record straight, I consider myself a Recovering Christian - it takes a lifetime, but somebody has to make the first step, eh? That said, I do recall with vivid detail (shudder - those nuns still make me cringe,) the dogma of the religulous (hats off to Bill Maher.) And sitting right at the top-o-the-heap of said dogma is this little gem, "judge not, lest ye be judged." And there's lots more where that came from, which we may get to eventually, but not today. Today, we stick with just this one.

People who call themselves "Christian," besides Hans, are called to "witness" the "bible" (whichever one they want, apparently,) which means, literally, to both "see and understand, remember and speak," about what their book says. So if the admonishment is to "judge not...", then what we are seeing in today's "Christian Wrong" is an abject failure to "see and understand, remember and speak." Well, not the "speak" part - they have that one down to a "T." To judge (sorry, like I said, I'm "recovering" so I don't adhere to a particular book-based belief system,) is to tell others what they are doing wrong, and then issue threats of eternal retribution if they don't straighten out and fly right. The "abject failure part of this? The rest of the phrase? "...lest ye be judged." And sort of near this phrase, I seem to recall on the same page, in fact, it says something to the effect that only thy lord god shall judge, or words to that effect.

So when I see and hear the likes of Glenhardly Bleck and Rash Limpburger, She-Rah Pail-In, and Karly Rovenator saying very un-christian stuff about those they disagree with, and then try to justify it with statements about this being a "Christian Nation" and all that boolschtuff, well, that's when I know they must be reading from the wrong book, or, they just patently don't "see and understand...," whatever it was they claim to be reading. So, I can only assume they aren't really the "Christians" they claim to be, they are instead nothing more than snake-oil opportunists. Which is, in the mind of this "recovering Christian," the lowest sort of despicable slime mold. Especially since they seem to be rubbing their hands in glee about the now over-the-top resurgent Wrong Wing "Christian" militia movement (hey, they have over-the-counter remedy's for that, ya know,) as they sharpen their claws and talk open insurrection.

Which kinda makes them the advance guard for the Hutaree, seems to me. See, the real problem for all those "end times" whack jobs is this: when it doesn't go according to schedule, they don't have any fall-back positions. They paint themselves into a corner from which they cannot, without suffering extreme shame, extricate themselves and their insane ideologies. Which, oddly enough, is the same position into which the Republicant Party has painted itself. By "uniting" against the rest of the country, they have in effect taken an insurrectionist position, and will now have to lay in the bed they have made. Unfortunately for the rest of America, they can still do a lot of damage. Because you see, us white guys? We gots guns, we gots anger, we gots, er, the New Minority status, and er, well, uh, we ain't gonna take it anymore!! So there!! And we are gonna make everyone else suffer because of it, you can be damned sure of that!

Hmm. Seems like somebody's got their panties in a bunch, what say? I don't think it's mere coincidence these folks are always talkin' 'bout "Judgment Day." It's just that they don't seem to "...remember and speak" about who will actually be doing said "judging."

Those old Greeks had a word for this.

Hubris.

Toodles!

Oh, Great. Now the Crows Are Gonna Poop on Everything!

Ever notice how some species get all in a huff when they don't get their way? And then when they DO get their way, they are still in some version of a huff? Or how some creatures just can't help but wallow in their own self-aggrandizement? (Sorry - I know it's a bit early for the big words, but I need to get them out of the way early in the day, ya dig?) Anyhoo - the Repugnicants are in full fluff over their twin wins - another Brownie scout, and the latest hit record from the Supremes, wherein their fat cat corporate lap dancers can spew their zillions all over the landscape helping the Far Wrong further drill its nasty little dental drill into the brains of every citizen, without restriction. 'Course, so can the other side, but we know where the biggest trough is and whose allowed at its swill.

And will they be even a wee bit magnanimous in their victory dance? Does the Pope s**t in the woods? Can a bear do a passing imitation of Grover Cleavland at the Ice Capades? Come on - why even bother trying to answer the question, eh,  Bubba? Nah,their gonna rub everyone's face in this stinkin' pile for the entire foreseeable future. Just like they do every day. Big surprise.

But lets not tell them about the price of hubris, what say? 'Cause every time the bozitos fly too close to their own golden sphincters,  well,  lets just say it all won't come off in the wash. It is the one true rule of success - eventually, you gonna fall on your ass in front of the world, especially if you keep waving your arms in self-congratulation. In fact, allow Notumbus Bumbus to make a little prediction here: The Far Wrong are gonna think these two wins mean ultimate victory for their warped crusade to crowd-surf on the heads of everyone and everything they despise (boy, THAT was an easy prediction), and, in their wet-dream of absolute victory, they will unleash their own McCarthy Moment. And I'd say this should be happening right around the next election, where they hope to crush all hope for any real future for the America most of the people want to see flourish.

Now,  I will be the first to admit (no, not to a sexual perversity that will make me lose in my next race to the poorhouse) that this seems an easy prediction. After all, we know how the Far Wrong's butt-boys, like O'Really and Glenny-poo, Hammity and Coult 45, like to open mouth, insert anus. And how their fav fatboy Limbarfer will spew his face off till the cows come home,  get milked,  then return to the field for some more methane spewing. But this time, the hubris will shine most supreme from within the actual elected Far Wrong Frat Party itself, swollen with tumescent pride, and voila! there goes the weasels, doin' the full backpedal. Remember how much the Far Wrong just LOVED the John-boy Edwards debacle? And how every time one of the Repugnicants got caught with their own diddle-and-fiddle "issues"? Remember how well their Teflon worked?

Well, I predict a similar punking, and this time,  that non-stick cooking utensil is gonna make the yolk stick so bad, they won't even be able to get it off with a bucket of Brillo. Because now that all the gloves are off with the corporate donors and all, even THEY won't want to back a candidate with too much smutty stuff on their hands. Because - you know what's coming, right? - corporations are interested in one thing, and one thing only - their money. Can you say "boycott?" Yes, Virginia,many people can. And as they are the one's upon whom the corporations depend for their money, I predict a renewal of the use of, and the success of, the time-honored tradition of money talking, bullshit walking. And let me be even more specific - the perp on the Repugnicant side will be from the Senate. That's right - the House of Cards.

And as we get closer to that Very Special Time,election season, Notumbus Bumbus will be even more specific. You might want to start telling people you read it here first. Call it,  The Pudge report. Yep, as in Masked Pudge (come on, work with me here!)

'Nuff said!

So? - It's Not Our Fault, Anyway

OK, lets say there really is no such thing as Global Warming, or, what the hell, that we, puny furry bipeds that we are, bear no responsibility for it should it "actually" come true. Lets just say that, OK? Let us instead pose a somewhat different hypothetical situation, and lets see how all you naysayers out there might respond should this hypothetical scenario ever hit the headlines, or, Goddess forbid, Al Gore ever makes a movie about it.

(The first announcement:)

"Scientists from three continents confirmed today the approach of a massive meteor on an unavoidable collision course with Earth. Its current speed and trajectory indicate it will hit in the Arctic region north of Russia, and is the size of Iceland. Authorities from the US, Russia, and France today announced a joint task force to send all nuclear weapons into space to impact on the meteor in hopes this action will either deflect the meteor, or break it up into small enough pieces that the impact and subsequent damage will be minimized. Should this attempt fail, or be delayed by as much as one day, it would mean the end of civilization. Scientists predict the loss of life could exceed 3 billion people. The loss of habitat and land under cultivation will mean the potential extinction of most of the species on the planet, and a vastly diminished food supply. The dust from the impact will obscure the sun for hundreds of years, and will trigger a new and rapid onset ice age. The President, Barack Obama, has appealed for calm, and for all Americans, and indeed all the people of the world, to pray to their gods for intercession. More news at 11."

(The Next day:)

"Members of the Republican Party, led by media personalities Glen Beck and Bill O'Reilly, and accompanied by Sarah Palin, issued a statement today calling the reports of an impending planet-busting meteor impact a "patent hoax, as revealed by some purloined emails that state meteors are an invention of liberal scientists who just want to wreck our economy." Beck added, "Besides, if it really is what they say it is, and I seriously doubt they know what they are saying about anything that I disagree with, the problem isn't ours, it's the damn Russians. Let them use their own money and nukes to fix their own problem - we didn't exactly cause this problem now, did we?"


(2 years after impact)

The Island Nations of North America today issued an all-points alert for the capture of Glen Beck, Bill O'Reilly, and Sarah Palin for crimes against common human sense. A reward of One Million peso-bucks is offered for information leading to their capture. Please contact the Inter-Island Interim Legal Directorate for further information, or to make any report on this matter."

(3 years after Beck's capture:)

"Your honor, though I doubt you have any, I object to having to answer to you or any other liberal, scientist, or so-called Constitutional officer for merely bringing up the thoughts that were in so many people's minds about believing anything the Government of that Kenyan, Obama, was lying to all Americans about. All this destruction wasn't caused by any so-called meteor, but by illegal aliens from Hawaii and Africa who can't even prove they were born. I have proof they have no proof, so I know I am right, and you are..." (transcript unavailable. Recording indicates a snorting sound followed by a heavy thud and a squishing sound.)

The verdict was announced in the following day's Public Email - guilty, and dead by his own large head falling off onto the courtroom floor. O'Reilly and Pailin's trials begin tomorrow.


Or at least, that's what I think will happen. And if I can think it would happen, then who am I to say it won't?

And if I am  right, what does that make you?