Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Welcome to the Sanatorum

This has to be the epitome of taking cover behind the fat boys. Let the ten pins get knocked over one after another, and just stay in the eleventh pin position, and all will come to those who wait. Or some such. First, knock over Perry, then knock over Cain, then Bachman, etc., etc., etc., and of course Gingrich, with Romney remaining the favorite also-ran, or better yet, Plan B. And then, one fine winter's day, you wake up to find:

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Right Wing Heaven— mighty Santorum finally sticks out.

When the 2011-2012 Primary Deep Fry and Cherry Coke Jubilee finally closes shop, most likely sometime in 2015, all will wonder what the hell that was all about, anyway. Perhaps nothing more than a case of indigestion, or worse, a new form of Ebola virus masquerading as Real Politik.

How does the Far Wrong think it will con, er, convince Independents and "moderate Republicans" (read: Turncoats) they should be taken seriously, let alone represent a valid alternative to President Obama, when they keep playing Musical Clowns? Santorum now is having his Crowning Moment, just as all the others have, and all in the increasingly futile hope that they can pull off an "Anybody But Romney" hat trick. Who's next - The Other Mormon? Fat chance - Mormons apparently scare the Wrong Wing Evangelical Paper Hat Party worse than That Black Guy does. Who knew? At this point, the only thing they could hope for to take a win in 2012 is if Obama converts.

I do have to say one thing, Santorum is about as Milquetoast as you can get, which perhaps explains why he's gone this far. It is clear that the Far Wrong really seeks one thing above all others: a tabula rasa where they can implant their Radical Wrong Code Of Hamandrye, thus guaranteeing the final solution to the Constitution: replacing it with Scripture as written by Grover the Norquistical, He Who Must Be Obeyed.

After all - why pick a Mormon when you can settle for a Moron?

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Battle of the Wookies, Right After This Word From Our Sponsors

Hi! Koch Brother's, here. You're probably wondering why we are backing so many of the dark horses in this coming presidential debacle, and you are of course correct in having that wondering. (Thank you, Sarah, for the wonderful editing. Couldn't have doing this without you betcha.) We feel the American People deserve a choice, which they have never really had before. Not even George Bush was a choice. Well, not for you, anyway. And this Obama person, hardly a choice there, basically, just shoved down the throats of the American People by those Commie liberal scum. But we aim to put an end to that, and right quicker-ly.

Having a choice is the American Way, unless it's about abortion (baby killing) or living next to a power plant. Or whether food is safe or not, like it isn't. Or paying taxes (better you than us, because we have a choice. Wouldn't you like to know how? I bet you do!) Or choosing your rulers, leaders, whatever. Some things should be not about having a choices. That's the American Way! And we are all about the American Way, which is about getting wealthy, no matter what. It's right there on the Statue of Liberty!

So, this election is about you having real choices, between that black guy with the foreign name, and all these white guys and one white, dynamic woman who know how to Get Things Done, like get rid of public education for once and all, because that does not have choices for people who need them. And put the Right Kind of People on that Supremer Court. (Nice touch, Sarah!) And to help you the American Peoples make that right-to-life choice, we, the Koch Brothers, along with many of our rightfully wealthy friends, are bringing you these powerful arguing debaters, so that you can relax, and stop worrying about those jobs you aren't having, because that isn't a proper American Dream, is it?

So, it really doesn't matter which one of these wonderful American Candidates you settle for, as long as together, We the American Peoples are foremost at the table of Life, Liberty, and the Pur$uit of Happierness. And we can do that Together by defeating decisively that guy currently squatting in the People's White House. It started out white, and by God and Guns, it's going to stay being Right. Because that is the American Way.

And now, let's get back to the arguers in today's Wookie Primary Debates!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

99.5 Just Won't Do

Remember that old Credence Clearwater song, "99 and a half just won't do"?  I was reminded of that today after I got roadblocked by a 99% march here. I didn't mind sitting and waiting for them to pass by. But I did mind what has increasingly seemed like a movement searching for a cause. Sound bites and pepper spray do not a movement make, and in light of the massive arsenals the 1% have at their beck and call, you would hope these 99%ers will begin to work on better tactics in addition to honing their message. I mean, you think those tea swillers are gonna be swayed? Right. Who cares about them. But...

Thing is, they got lots of money with which to buy the politicians of their own choosing, and buying them they are. You believe that occupying the park means squat to the fat cats? Think again. Follow the money, because that's who benefits, and thus that is who calls the shots. I mean, aren't you a little curious about how the police can pepper spray people just sitting around are getting paid by - wait for it - your tax dollars. Ain't that grand? As far as scams go, that one is a doozy. But wait! There's more!

Yeah, there is always more - for them, and less for you. That's the nature of the game, and we all just keep playing along. See, the way its rigged is like this: keep a majority of the people employed, but squeeze them. And to keep them from complaining too much, design the system so that we can keep an obvious number of people homeless, and still quite visible, so that the rest of us can see the consequences if we challenge the system, at least anything beyond choosing one from either Column A or Column B. And let's ratchett up the pressure with random cycles of boom and but, where we can deploy some of the best word-smithing ever. "The employment picture is looking up," followed by, "the employment picture is looking bleak,"  and "the workforce needs to be mobile/flexible/retrained/etc." You just know what's coming around the corner by now, don't you? Well?

To make things even more interesting, tie up the really driven younger people by maintaining a policy of total, permanent war. Let them kill people over there. Besides, a good portion will either die, or come back too damaged to be a worry. Now, for icing on the cake, lets create as much mind-numbing entertainment as we can, especially on programs and games that hilight violence and rude, bully-style public humiliation "reality" shows. It's called "conditioning" folks, and I ain't talking Gold's Gym. Who's going to bother looking behind the curtains?

Sure, there's more to the picture than these broad outlines, but really? You think the 1% give a fig about whether a few people break free of their sheeple-state? Hey, did you see how much the lottery is up to this week?

Well, I would like to point out to the 99% marchers/occupiers that you are slowly but steadily eroding the goodwill you built early on. Time to realize the party stage of the affair is over. Now, it's time to do the really hard work. Such as organizing, getting behind YOUR candidates, and then, for the sake of the dead gods, get off yer asses and vote. It's really the only tool you can use against the rampaging kleptocracy, and in your heart-of-hearts, you KNOW that's the truth.

Peace out.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Something New

Now you, the common citizen, can weigh in on how to rate the 1%! Go over to  and offer your input. Why should all the power to give economy-shattering ratings rest in the hands of those who are the only one's to profit from it? Now, WE can rate the ratings agencies, government agencies, corporate entities, and more. Go take a look!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Occupy This, Wall Street! Its Downgrade Time!

As of today, we at Es and PeeQueAreEyeTee must regrettably announce a downgrade from AAA status to a CCC status to the risk rating for Wall Street, Inc., and all its subsidiaries. Current market fluctuations, the rabid spasmodic reactions to every hiccup, and the failure to adequately recognize which side of the bread the butter is applied to show this rating agency that the management of Wall Street, Inc., just "doesn't get it," especially in their near-willful failure to pay attention to where the money actually comes from.

In an honest effort to aid Wall Street, Inc. with getting back to their higher rating status, we offer the following suggestions, and trust they will be heard in the generous manner in which we extend them, especially in light of the coming Holidays:

1. You need to remember who your real stockholders are - the consumers of America. Without their buy-in, your subsidiaries will simply crumble. It is the consumer who props up their, and therefor, your, profits. Remain oblivious to this at your won peril.

2. You really need to get a grip. Every time your firm and your subsidiaries see a leaf fall, you panic, and that in turn sends shares crashing to the floor as though to race said leaf to its doom. Conversely, every time a frog jumps, you sense a moment of glory, and near wet your pants with glee. Really, folks, settle down. Give more than ten seconds of thought before you hit that remote, and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to finally commit to some long-range planning. That, in turn, would do much to increase consumer confidence, which in turn would, well, can't you guys just figure this out for yourselves? No? Right. OK.

3. You keep yelping about "instability in the markets," as though you were a mere victim. Uh, that's your shadow you keep jumping at, you do know that, don't you. The "instability" is caused by you, and everyone seems to know that but you. Which begs the question: you guys are in charge of the world economy for exactly what reason, again?

So, we really have no choice but to issue this downgrade. And be warned - the longer these "market conditions" persist, that is, the longer your firm continues to hold to your willful blindness, the more downgrades we will be forced to issue. This current reduction from AAA to CCC is merely indicative of the extreme loss of trust and believability you have foisted on your own real shareholdes. And until and unless you can remember who those shareholders really are, and what they truly demand, well, we hold little hope for an improvement of this rating in the near term. In the long term? I'd think those bonus checks are going to start shrinking at a very rapid click.

The courtesy of a reply is requested, but given your track record, we ain't holding our breath, buckos.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The 1 Percent is On The March!

So S&P is now threatening the EU with a downgrade of their credit rating, like that's really gonna make anything better. Well, except for the 1%, that is - of COURSE it's gonna be better for them - who do you think S&P work for, anyway? But somehow, I have a feeling we are getting really close to a breaking point, and here I speak not of the global environment, nor the state of Herman Cain's harem problems, but of how much the 1% can push their greed down all our throats before we just go and upchuck all over their Gucci-covered asses.

If they try to force "austerity" down the throats of many countries in the EU without making demands on the wealth-hoarding class, I strongly suspect that the lessons everyone is learning from the so-called "Arab Spring," (notice anything unusual coming from Russia the past few days?) will start showing up in more European and American cities over the weeks leading up to the holiest day in Consumerdom - Bleak Monday. Use my credit card, or, pay the damn thing off, and quit paying those bastards for all that worthless crap? Hmmm. Take the family on a ski trip, or, get in line at the soup kitchen, again? No brainer, baby.

The Pea Tardy and their lap doggies in Congress want everyone to think this is all the fault of Big Gummint, and that black guy, but that story is getting old and worn, and doesn't hold the same grip on everyone's testicles it did in 2008. The fact is, we are being driven into fiscal and moral bankruptcy by the very people who pull the strings of both those groups - people like the Koch Brothers, the big banks, the brokerages, the weapons, oil, pharma, and chemical companies, who are engaged in a truly desperate and despicable attempt to dismantle the Constitution and erect in its place the oligarchy they all share wet dreams about.

And I don't know about you, but if I'm gonna get screwed, I'd better get to enjoy it, too. These cockroaches? They have no intention of sharing any kind of joy. So unless you really like getting screwed, you might want to think about getting out of bed, right

Monday, December 5, 2011

Trumped-up Charges, Same-Old, Same-Old

The Trumpster is back!! Oh, come on - did you really believe we were finally rid of this blowhard? Schmoes like the Donald are like dog doo stuck to the bottom of your waffle-soled shoes - damn hard to clean off. And now - oh, it's simply priceless!! - Gingrich is bending over to kiss that pompous ass and defend the Donald from the nastiness of Ron Paul. Man! You just cannot PAY for entertainment like this!!

Romney-mon is his typical shy self, not letting on if he'll be another one to bend over for the CombOver Doll, but we can pretty well rest assured he's just trying to figure out how to bend over and spread them without having to answer any "difficult" questions, like, how many times have you actually flipflopped again, Governor? The Boy really HATES having to be honest with the Amurican Peeps. Might expose his scratchy underwear.

And you just HAVE to love the also rans, who still haven't been able to find their way out of the bag they stuffed themselves into. Michelle-Ma-Belle, and RickyBobby maybe oughta should do their own roadtrip, 'cept they look so much like roadkill at this point they'd get pulled over and arrested for "driving while dead." And RonnyPauley, so cute. Ready to dismantle the entire US Government, if elected. Has anyone let him know yet how little he would have to do on weekdays if he eliminated all those Departments? I mean, he'd essentially be cutting off his nose to spite his face - oh. Oh, right - he does that all the time, doesn't he? hasn't anyone got the guts to tell him that botox is a fine alternative?

And with SugarCain gone, due to way too many indiscretions to find laudable excuses for, you have to be wondering when another mistress will emerge naming Newt the Toot as her Lover-Man of the past decade, or which Choir boy has some memorable moments to share from that Utah summer camp. I can't wait.

As for the other, er, runners in this, uh, race? Who dat?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

With Cain Gone, Is Anyone Willing to Be Able?

I did not have sex with that woman. Seems to be an echo in here, ya dig? But, you didn't ask about that other woman. No, not that one, the other one, Hell, I ain't gonna tell you which woman, that's your job. The job of the liars on the liberal media cyborg Commie-lovin' Democrat side of the aisle at the supermarket. How dare you question me, I am a business man!!

Well, silly us, expecting to know the truth, and worse yet, expecting ethical and moral integrity. How bloody stupid have we Amuricans become? Don't listen to that man on the news, listen to the mumblings coming from behind that curtain, the one marked Tea Party Spoken Here.

Ya know, I highly doubt all the cats are out of the bag yet. The way that Romney keeps trying to control the flow of info, the few and bearly substantive interviews, the constant refusal to open himself up for deep and cogent questioning, makes me think there's something he's terrified of coming to light. The rest are clearly wack-a-doodles, but Romney seems to be trying to slide in under the radar. He must be glad that Cain is the one whose sacrifice displeased the Lord, this time.

Has anybody out there even CONSIDERED sleeping with him? Out of his scratchy underwear, that is? Of course, who would really want to admit to such depravity?

Friday, December 2, 2011

Long Time Gone, Piss-Poor Excuses

Thought you'd lost me, eh? No such chance. I was basically lying in wait for something a bit different than all the crap that's come before. Yes, I know, futile gesture. But the wait did me good, in addition to an intrusion by other physical structural failures, (hey, aging sucks, OK? Get on with it.) And besides, here we are back in the silly season, declared "party hacks" beating the tar out of each other. Just like the old days, you know - the Roman Coliseum? Only thing missing is the lions, but it would be a shame to give those wondrous beasties food poisoning now, wouldn't it?

But you have to love it, all the gaffes, affairs, insane, so-called "ideas" flouted as reasoned policy objectives. Not to mention the major increase in business to hair-care product companies. And if you have been paying any attention to the latest flavor of the week, well, looks like vanilla is gonna win, unless Grover Norquist rears his ugly butt to object. Probably make everybody sign a pledge to only vote with their feet, on a Wednesday, or some such. These bozitos will sign anything to keep from having Grover approach them with that enema nozzle again.

What I really love about the putative candidates are how they so cynically employ the sordid "Americans want...; Americans don't want...." crap. Well, if you really pay attention to all the polls, not just the one's you paid someone to wipe your arse with, you would be hard pressed to make a case to either effect. Americans want what they want, and I can guaran-damn-tee you it isn't the bullstuff these jokers want Americans to believe it is. The fact is, a very sizable majority of Americans want the wealthy to pay their fair share in taxes, but the Retreads are firmly wedged into the butt-cheeks of those so-called wealthy few so far that they can't reach the remote, and thus continue to live in a parallel fantasy world, clinging to hopes that one of them will be the beauty queen to drag America even further down the rat hole.

I can see an entirely new version of "The Sing Off". Acapella debates, with judges from each social class, but with weighted votes, where The Koch Brothers get the 99%, and everyone else has to split the remaining 1%, and they are required to so so from inside a tent behind the auditorium.

Oughta make for some great television.