Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Occupy This, Wall Street! Its Downgrade Time!

As of today, we at Es and PeeQueAreEyeTee must regrettably announce a downgrade from AAA status to a CCC status to the risk rating for Wall Street, Inc., and all its subsidiaries. Current market fluctuations, the rabid spasmodic reactions to every hiccup, and the failure to adequately recognize which side of the bread the butter is applied to show this rating agency that the management of Wall Street, Inc., just "doesn't get it," especially in their near-willful failure to pay attention to where the money actually comes from.

In an honest effort to aid Wall Street, Inc. with getting back to their higher rating status, we offer the following suggestions, and trust they will be heard in the generous manner in which we extend them, especially in light of the coming Holidays:

1. You need to remember who your real stockholders are - the consumers of America. Without their buy-in, your subsidiaries will simply crumble. It is the consumer who props up their, and therefor, your, profits. Remain oblivious to this at your won peril.

2. You really need to get a grip. Every time your firm and your subsidiaries see a leaf fall, you panic, and that in turn sends shares crashing to the floor as though to race said leaf to its doom. Conversely, every time a frog jumps, you sense a moment of glory, and near wet your pants with glee. Really, folks, settle down. Give more than ten seconds of thought before you hit that remote, and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to finally commit to some long-range planning. That, in turn, would do much to increase consumer confidence, which in turn would, well, can't you guys just figure this out for yourselves? No? Right. OK.

3. You keep yelping about "instability in the markets," as though you were a mere victim. Uh, that's your shadow you keep jumping at, you do know that, don't you. The "instability" is caused by you, and everyone seems to know that but you. Which begs the question: you guys are in charge of the world economy for exactly what reason, again?

So, we really have no choice but to issue this downgrade. And be warned - the longer these "market conditions" persist, that is, the longer your firm continues to hold to your willful blindness, the more downgrades we will be forced to issue. This current reduction from AAA to CCC is merely indicative of the extreme loss of trust and believability you have foisted on your own real shareholdes. And until and unless you can remember who those shareholders really are, and what they truly demand, well, we hold little hope for an improvement of this rating in the near term. In the long term? I'd think those bonus checks are going to start shrinking at a very rapid click.

The courtesy of a reply is requested, but given your track record, we ain't holding our breath, buckos.

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