Cheese Burgers in Paradise, or, The Tide is A'comin in, Ma!

So today, Samoa and American Samoa (some people like potatoes, and some like taro. Or, its more complicated than that,) got slammerfied by way too much water, ala a tsunami. And that is tragic, while at the same time, a perfect example of what all coastal areas around the world have in store, in the not-too distant future. To put it simply - if ya can't float, ya gonna sink.

Now, I know there are still many of you flat-truther's out there who won't believe in global climate change until you are treading water on Main Street, but here is a heads-up, anyway. Sell that Florida beach-front condo now, before its worth less than even the current Dopey and Sleepy-sized real estate market allows. Cuz' - ya goin' down! A mere 1 meter (that's Frenchy and Euro-y, I know, so fer all you 'Muricans out there, it's about a smidgeon over 3 feet,) will put most of the Florida coast line (yep, and other places, too) under the sea, with an octopus's garden opening next to the former Disney joint. Might be a new business opportunity, who knows.

Now me, I'm bettin' ya'll don't do squat until its waaaaayyyyy too late. I plan on buying up as much property as I can more than fifty feet above sea level, then sellin' it to ya'll for highly inflated prices. Sort of a reverse Florida Swamp Land deal. Seems a sweet comeuppance to me, eh?

And did you see all those bozitos who went down to the beach to "watch the tsunami" come in? That's what I call thinnin' the herd.

Going Rouge: An American Laugh, or, Palin' by Comparison

So Sah-Rah is "going rouge" is she? And to think I had her pegged more a kohl gal (Kohl has been worn traditionally as far back as the Bronze Age (3500 B.C. onward) by the Egyptian queens.) (I mean, she IS the rein-coronation of Sah-Rah the First, isn't she?) Which makes so much more sense, being she is now the Queen of the Far WrongDamned, dontchya think? And yet, it is somehow so fitting, the Retreads having lost any semblance of a king, or kingdom, for that matter, since their dear King George was outed (OK, ousted. But it was worth the attempt, n'est-ce pas?:-) in that demon-cratic coup last year. It must really hurt, having your royalty so nastily ripped from it's womb. To lose the Crown of Amurica to, gasp! a non-white man! It's more than a body politic can bear.

What I want to know is, how can the Sah-Rah have any "memoirs" to write about, anyway. First off, "memoir" isn't even Amurican - it's a Frenchy word. And second, what has she actually done that's worth remembering? Even her own family has had it up to Nome with her. I mean, she's a quitter, fer cryin' out loud. Golly, haven't we had enough of that sort already, without having to see several thousand trees killed just to make her feel like a winner? I mean, this tomb, er, tome is going to end up on the remainders table within a week of publication - why doesn't she just save the money and put it up on a web site, where it can be as easily ignored without having to inconvenience all those moose who live among the very trees she is going to cause the death of, anyway?

So, lets all make a promise to each other, shall we? Read whatever you want, and don't tell me about it - I don't want you to spoil the ending. Besides - I already know how its going to end. The moose kills HER this time. And that's not a rogue moose. Just a rational centrist.

Friday and the Livin' is Queasy

Little Glenny Beck has stirred up yet another whorenets nest by being offered keys to the city or some such back in his little old hometown way up yonder Washington Way. Seems news of this less-than-auspicious occasion flipped a switch inside the collective/socialist hive mind across the Northwest Liberal Region, and faster than you could say "teabagger," the neighboring burg of Bellingham said, "Ha!" "we'll get John-boy Stewart." I kinda like it - tragedy and comedy, side by side.

Now, while I have no issue with people speakin' they minds, I do find it both ironic (to all those on the Far Wrong, that's a sort of supplement ya'll take with yer daily dose 'o Comeuppance) and funny as hell. It wasn't even a week ago the Far Wronger Teabagger Truthers was spittin' venom at anyone who dared complain about their OWN ranting and railing against all things Obama. So here ya are, gittin' a return favor-type spankin' and ya'll gotta howl about that, too. Seems you folks are damn persnickety about havin' things both ways, ain't ya? Ya'll are maybe lookin' fer a smackdown, is that it? Cause I gotta tell ya, just wait till Shakes the Clown gets pissed at ya'll. Make John-boy Stewart look like a paper weight.

In the meantime, maybe Glenny could be willing to settle for a plague, er, plaque from Bobby Jones University. I understand they like THEIR irony in much smaller capsules.

(By the way - Teabagger? Now, why would you be advertising your sexual proclivities all over the media like that, and call yerselves "family-friendly," and claim to have "family values?" Unless you're doing that nasty stuff at hom....no! You di-ent say that!! Oh, yes you did!)

Lest We Thinketh We Be Uniqueth...

Now, let me clear something up - The US of A is not the ONLY country where idiocy is raised to the highest levels of discourse. Why, there's Iran, of course, and North Korea, gotta love 'em, eh? There is also Zimbabwe, ala Mugabe, who seems to think the international sanctions against his government are about "regime change." Well, duh!!!! It's not like anyone has been trying to keep it secret, dude! But, we shouldn't be too harsh on the poor rube - he IS in good company, after all. Why, just today, that suave and debonair fella from Iran, what's his name? Oh, Ahmadinejad, right? Anyway, he actually got up in front of the UN and told the world that His Iran was the, and I quote, here, "most democratic nation in the world." He based this asssertion of the "free and fair election" His country just held. Uuuhhhh, yeeeaaaahhhh. Sounds like he's been getting talking points from Fox News lately. Poor sod.


And we can't forget about the Lula's and the Hugo's and all those other wild-'n-crazy guys out there (notice we haven't had a really wild-'n-crazy woman running one of these Hairywood Movies as yet?) (though we did come a wee bit close with the Moose hunter up yonder, didn't we?) And yet, men are often complaining about that "crazy" woman in their lives, but that must be because they love irrational behavior as a complement to their own insanity, eh?


What the point of this little rant? Who knows. Low blood sugar? Moon in Uranus? Naw. Just wanted to point out the futility of getting freaked out by our homegrown ground sloths like Glenn Beck and John Boehner and Sarah Whoosits. They sound scary, but that's just because we're getting close to Halloween. Once they've had their fill of candy corn, they'll settle down - for a while. At least our homegrown looneys have more limited arsenals, even if they have a seemingly unlimited amount of hot air.


Hey, maybe they could all be talked into having a place in the Ahmadinejad administration. They're all pretty simpatico, dontcha think?

No Values at the Summit - Just Another Freakshow

When I first saw this Value Voters Summit mash-up, I thought to myself, "Self, wasssuuupppp?" I mean really, now, people. Have we fallen so low that we have to stage a rally for Values? Especially when we have to listen to the real yo-yo's out there, saying horsepucky like, "All pornography is gay - er - homosexual?" Trust me, folks, gay guys DO NOT use Playboy or Penthouse for play-time activities. Stud and Johnny-Boy, maybe, but otherwise, it's all about pects, got it?

Now, lean in close here, I may have to whisper this - no, come on, closer, closer - - good. You know why the Far Wrong is "out of favor" at the moment? Little secret here - you never were IN favor - you just scream louder than the rest of us. And I can assure all you Strict Constructionists out there - THAT was NOT the Founders intent. Its not in the Federalist Papers, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, or any other document that our Founders ever propounded. OK, now give me back my personal space.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. You, the Far and Truly Profane Wrong, don't really GET democracy, do you? Real democracy means you are welcome to your own beliefs, but you are NOT welcome to shove them down anyone else's throats, either through legislation, or through loud and obnoxious fear-mongering lies. That's right, YOU-all lie! Hey, it seems to work for you, so deal with it.

You are entirely welcome to your values. You don't believe in abortion? Don't have one. You don't like to pay taxes? Tough - no one does, but we all do it because, uh, gee - its the law of the land. Don't want to send your kids to real schools? Your choice (just don't blame the rest of us when they slam the door in your face when they figure out how they've been lied to.) Don't think its right to help other nations who are our allies? So stay home. You wanna yell? Go right ahead. Just don't be too shocked when everyone else just shuts the door because they are tired of listening to so much ear-splitting hooey.

And that beauty queen ya'll are clamoring for, Prejean?  No, she ISN'T a hater. Just a loser. She didn't lose the contest because she doesn't believe in that Wrong Kind of Marriage (you know, the one sanctioned by the (wait for it) Guvmint. She lost because someone else got more points, or had deeper cleavage, who knows. But if this is how far the Far Wrong has to go to find a hero, well, that explains the whole enchilada. You'da thunk they'd learned enough with that loser from Alaska drilling that big hole in the GOP boat. Funny, she STILL couldn't find any oil.

You want Values? I usually find them at my local Target store, on Aisle 3.

Minsky? Of course, you cough!

So you don't like Big Guvmint, eh? Lets play a little game, shall we?

Lets say the Big Guvmint, hereafter referred to as the BG (yeah, like the singing group...sheesh) had refused to step in and bail the losers out (you know - banks, insurance companies - all them greedy bastids.) By now, all of us would be standing in breadlines, selling rotten bank notes on the corner just to feed the kids, and planning another march on Washington to protest Guvmint intrusion into our lives - er - socialism.

Why, you ask? Well, that's part of the game. Where does money actually come from? If you can answer that correctly, you get to go on to the next level of the game, where you can try to answer two other questions - where does all that money go? and why doesn't it go to you?

Ever heard of Minsky? The economist? Hyman Minsky? No? Well, he predicted this mess, and no one listened to him, because he wasn't all that popular in the mainstream of economics. (See boston.com) His work raises the final question in our little game, namely, how much of this is your fault?

Now, to win this game, you have to read the article mentioned above, and here, for redundancy. If, after reading the article (we don't expect you to read his books - they are thick and have a lot of words - just read the article and get the central premise of his thoughts on macroeconomics,) you still can't answer this last question, well, you lose. If you can answer it, you darn well better start teaching that lesson to everyone you know.

Because it will be painfully clear that, yes, Virginia, it CAN happen again.

Dammit! He's Still Black!

I think its just a little late for the President to finally confess, on national television, what so many have suspected for so long - he WAS black before the election! It's now abundantly clear we were lied to by the Democrats so they could steal the election! They were apparently trying to hide this critical fact from the real voters in America by pairing him with that clearly white guy, Joe Biden. All Obama had to do was stand next to Biden and the overwhelming glare from Joe's Snow White hair blinded all who watched them campaign. We should all rally for a recall, is what I think.

I mean, it was so obvious he was black on Inauguration Day, but by then, it was too late. This is an afront to the Constitution as the Far Wrong have explained it, just as those weird Unitarians have perverted the teachings of the Bible as James Dobson has explained it. Those Damn Liberals! All they want to do is indoctrinate our kids and tear down the fabric of marriage, put all Bible Thinkers into camps, and force everyone to eat tofu. I say NO! I will not eat tofu. I am an adult, and now capable of wearing adult-sized Depends, so I don't have to eat anything I don't want to eat. And that includes a President who keeps changing color, dammit!