The Unpatriotic Rich

So here we are, in the midst of the Great Deception, with millions out of jobs, out of money, out of their homes, and there they are, the Far Wrong Retreads shrieking about the "worst thing to ever happen to this country" in the form of a public option for health care. (What? Worse thing ever? Wow. Pushed World Wars 1 and 2, Great Depression, San Francisco earthquake, Chicago fire, and, oh yeah, 9-11, right out of the Top Ten. Right. How Effin dumb do they think we are?) And over there we have those bankers and financial firm executed sluts, er, suits, who took billions in "bail" out money, and then jacked up the interest rates and penalty rates, and whatever the hell rates on you and me and Bobby McGee, and they, too, are screaming royal bloody s**t about having to "reign in their excesses," and "taking away the free market," and all other sorts of crapola, and, well, what the hell are we gonna do about these filthy, thievin', whack jobs making the rest of us permanent paupers? It that what you are pickin' up on your receiver, ducky? Thought so.

So along comes the IRS, just doin' their jobs, tryin' to find the deadbeat cheatin' slime balls being a real drag on the economic engine that is modern Amuricah, and even more gnashing of the teeth ensues. The Furtive Rich is all P.O'd about their secret Swiss bank accounts being "open to public view," or at least getting those nice little greeting cards from the IRS. Tough love hurts, its true.

But here's what is really rubbin' my inner thighs raw. Most of these thievin' rich SOB's are, yep, Retreads. Far Wrongers with a penchant for Swiss cheese. Who howl the loudest about all things Amurican. Who proclaim themselves as more patriotic than those pesky liberals, union members, abortion providers, and John Stewart. And who, for some slimy, slick, slithery, sick, greedy, elitest reason, think they are exempt from carrying their fair share of the load for this country.

Truth? These F**k-wads are the most unpatriotic jerks around. That includes those talk-show vomit mouths who daily excoriate all and sundry who haven't slipped as far over the edge of vitriol and insanity as they have. Lets get something straight here, fellow citizens - patriotism has everything to do with pitching in when the country is in trouble, and nothing at all to do with the prevalent Far Wrong ideology of "do what we say, and ignore what we do. Especially when we're fleecing you chumps blind."

During the Great War, Numero Duo, the Nation called upon ALL its citizens to pitch in, to work on the home-front as hard as the troops were fighting on the war front lines. And pretty much most of us did just that. Except for the War profiteers. Except then, when we were in some of our darkest hours, our Guvmint ACTUALLY WENT AFTER THESE BASTARD GREED-MONGERS AND PROSECUTED THEM, even seizing their ill-gotten gains in many instances. So now the IRS comes along, doing the work we, the People hired them to do, and who screams the loudest? The very same ilk, using some of these ill-gotten billions to lie, cheat, and steal, to brainwash the forgotten class into thinking this is a threat to THEIR lives, when nothing could be further from the truth.

I can't help but think of those words, uttered not that long ago, aimed at McCarthy and his minions: "Have you no shame? After all this, have you no sense of shame?"

Only when they get caught.

Sessions Tired of Going Rouge, Decides on Mascarra, Instead

Jeff Sessions, Retreadican Senator, today stated he will do everything he can to prevent Obama's latest judicial nomminnimminnee from getting a book deal before he does. He held a press conference beneath the Dome of Lieberman to announce the imminent publication of his own memoir, "If I Didn't Think of It, Its Wrong: A Story of One Man's Search For The Perfect Rant." "I could talk all day, even for weeks at a stretch, on this particular topic," he said to the three reporters who attended the hastily called conference in the Senate Chamber Pots. "If I didn't think the American People didn't want to hear what Obama or the Democrats want to say, I wouldn't not say what I've been saying all along. Which is, I'm saying what the American People have wanted me to say all along. To say nothing of the depths to which they will not sink trying to keep me from saying all the wonderful things I think they ought to hear."

He apparently went on in this fashion for some time, then invited questions from the one remaining reporter, from Foxy News. There is no report on what was asked, as that reporter reportedly failed to report in at the end of the news day, except for a cryptic message left on the station managers voice mail, something about water-boarding, and self-administering, and the faint sound of a strangled cat.

Sessions, later spotted racing across the Mall, was heard shouting to no one in particular, "I said something to somebody who needed it said," or something like that.

Repubs to America: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid!!

Ya gotta love these folks, the Far and Seriously Twisted Wrong. Just when you think their propensity for hysteria is leveling off, WHAM, their off their meds again! This latest twisted sister act is out of the State of Lincoln, that Mid-American bellwether, Illinois. It seems the idea of housing terrorist suspects in an Illinois State Prison has generated a battle between Dems, who see the great jobs potential for their beleaguered state, against Retreads who, for some absolutely insane reason, fear this will make their state a "terrorist target." (What, the rest of the country doesn't count? Aren't we all equal opportunity targets? Hell, Illinois wasn't even in the running on the first ten rounds of draft picks. Seriously, dudes!) ) In other words, they are pretty much abject cowards.

Plus, lets face it, folks, they have zero trust in the Constitution and the rule of law. They really can't trust that the American Judicial System is capable of rendering justice. Yet, most strangely indeed, these same oafs took an oath to "defend and protect the Constitution of the United States of America." Hmm. I'd have to say, if these bozitos ain't up to the task, they really oughta step down. Because sowing fear, and a rather NIMBY fear at that, seems to be all the Far Wrong is capable of these days.

Which means (correct me if I'm seriously off track here,) the terrorists have actually beaten the Retreadican Party and it's less-than-valiant stalwarts. (See, terrorist win when they make people so fearful they actually abdicate their own self-proclaimed values. Which this clearly smells like to me. Hell, if I was al Quaeda, I'd be throwing my next bachelor party dead smack in the middle of Illinois. 'Cuz ya know, its Target Rich(T))Maybe they are going so bonkers over this because they just can't admit they rolled over like a dead armadillo, or possum, perhaps. Flat and baking, at least.

Or maybe they just prefer dubious torture centers located in other countries. Who knows. What I do know is Khalid Sheik Mohammed, after this whole thing is finally over, ain't exactly goin' to Disneyland, if ya get my drift.

Perhaps a nice deep-dish pizza?

They ain't just growin' corn out there, ya know.

She-Rah Pail-Ihn Goes On Blind Date; Oh-Praaaahhh Makes Time For Moose and Squirrel

Where the F**K is my coffee?


She-Rah Pail-Ihn was seen recently walking down Fifth Avenue arm-in-arm with that charismatic stud, Boris Badenough, pictured above after a long, exhausting photo shoot for Rice Krispies Chocolate Snorts, due to hit the markets right after Thanksgiving. She-Rah, sporting new cat's eyes contacts and wearing bright red f**k-me pumps with ten inch heels, set the street ablaze with rumor and innuendo, most of which has turned out to be ambiguously unclear. Meanwhile, Oh-Praaaahhh released a press release designed to release the news hounds, to the effect that she was ready to "release the hounds of war" in an effort to get She-Rah to appear with her bookclub and book shield. "Whatever it takes," Oh-Praaahh stated, "Even if I have to grovel at She-Rah's feet and renounce every liberal act I've ever engaged in. She's mine," she hissed, just before her handlers hosed her down and put the restraints back on.

In other news, Margaret Thatcher gave birth to quintuplets yesterday, all of whom have declared a new war on the Falkland Island, just for spite.

More news at 11.

It May Not Be Steven King Material, but It Is Carrie!

Carrie Prejean, we thought we hardly knew ye. You, sad, maligned, sex-tape making sweetheart, how dare everyone out there be so mean and malicious to you, who only said what she believed, then wrote a book to complain about it. Then went on Larry (Weird Al) King to complain about it again, and well, so on, and so on. Then word of a (solo act) sex tape surfaces, and Carrie has a new reason to complain that they are just persecuting her for her beliefs. OK, maybe.

Ahhhhh, no. Today we learn there was not one, was not two, was not three (ahem. get on with it) but EIGHT sex tapes in all. Only to be for personal "use" nudge, nudge, wink, wink. And stills, dozens! She actually had to HOLD STILL!!! Well, she was just trying to get noticed in a cutthroat business (nude modeling) to advance her potential (porn) movie career, someday, maybe, sort of. Oh, well.

And all those Far Wrongers who came (ahem) to her defense? Just were signing up for autographed copies, one supposes? Will they ever be able to get another pure and unsullied cover girl? Will Bill O'really ever grow a conscience? Will Pat Robertson ask to trade tapes? Will Church and State finally share a conjugal bed? Stay tuned!

There goes her certificate of virginity. Now who will the Far Wrong religulous turn to in their time of need? Just wait for the DVD.

Toodles.

2012 - The Movie, and The Reality, and The Far Wrong, and, oh, Give It Up, Already!

What is it with some humans always hoping for the end of the species? And most of them are, of course, religulous types, who, on the other hand, preach that "all life is sacred." Havin' a problem with this clear contradiction, I am. The notion of "end times" goes way, way, way back, Sherman, and nearly always from some religulous nut job who has "heard the word" from the center of their own soggy brain. Which they then go on to enlist other soggy brains to "join the cause," who in turn, yada, yada, yada.

So now we get The Movie about the latest variety of soggy thinking. Purportedly based on the "Ancient Mayan Calender," (that none of the current crop of belief-a-holics even have a clue about,) this Hairy-Wood blockbuster is a real bust, perhaps rooted in the belief that, well, Hairy-Wood has been SO successful at scarin' the bejezzus out of people for so long that, why not, lets go for the REALLY BIG SHOW. Let's DESTROY THE WORLD!!! What fun.

So, kiddys, its time for the Propensities of Notumbus to lead you out of the wilderness of soggy brain-dom. Lets start with the notion these latest end-o-time fruitcakes are trying to pass off as fact - that there is this other planet, see, Earth's twin, see, that we cannot yet see, see, because its, well, on the other side of the sun, see, in perfect synch with Earth's own orbit around the sun, see? See? Si!? No?

OK. Try this. This so-called planet, that there is simply zero scientific evidence as to its actual existence, is called, get ready, Nemesis. Wow. That really makes this mythical planet's entire purpose crystal clear, so, hey! It must be true!!! MMMMM, no. See, there is this branch of science called orbital mechanics, see? It has made it possible to, oh, do little things like put humans on the moon. Oh. I see. Some of you soggys think that was a hoax? Right. And we should believe YOU about this "invisible planet?"

Try again, I will. If said Nemesis actually was where the soggys would have us believe, then all the calculations for the orbits of ALL the other planets would be, oh, I don't know, wrong? Is that the word I should use here? And of course all of several thousands of years of observed celestial and solar phenomenon would be comparable to moldy applesauce. Is that it?

Oh, Oh, wait, here's the really good part - this mythical Nemesis will, for no good or logical reason, decide its TIME TO LEAVE ITS ORBIT AROUND THE SUN, AND SNEAK OVER TO OUR SIDE AND, WHAT THE HELL, PLOW RIGHT INTO EARTH!!! Gee, was that too loud? Sorry. Just trying to match tone, ya know.

Puh-leeze. What has gotten so many people to stop believing in basic sciences, and commit intellectual Hari-Kiri by embracing something that doesn't even rise to the name, "pseudo-science?" Claptrap, yes. Ten bricks short of a load, yes, but logic? Reason? FACT? Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no. The Far Wrong, no, the Outer Limits of the Far Wrong have somehow succeeded in brainwashing soggy brains into being even more soggy. Damn, their GOOD at this stuff, eh? They even have some people believing that, hey, so what IF global warming IS true? We won't be around to be bothered with it, so, let's party like its 1599, dammit!

What? The movie? Oh, yeah. It's big, it's scary, it has Big Hairy-Wood Stars, and has cool special effects, like mass stupidity, but otherwise, I'd wait for the DVD. My prediction? Guaranteed to induce mass sogginess in already susceptible humans. And make a wad o' cash for somebody.

P. T. Barnum would have a field day.

See ya on the other side!

Hope Grows for Lieberman's Eventual Recovery, But Wife "Dubious"

With the amazing news out of Wake Forest University today, Senator Joe Lieberman is said to have "jumped for joy."  Jubilant at a hastily called press conference, Lieberman said, "So you see, I'm no longer consigned to being a dickless wonder." Pretty much both sides of the aisle, upon hearing this, broke into an extended coughing fit.

Lieberman's wife was heard saying in the background, "fat chance." And, "He wanted to be an Independent, so now he gets excited about rabbit penises. My mother was right about him, after all." Confronted over her statement later, she said, "Hell yes, I knew the mike was on. What kind of a putz do you take me for?"