Jeff Sessions, Retreadican Senator, today stated he will do everything he can to prevent Obama's latest judicial nomminnimminnee from getting a book deal before he does. He held a press conference beneath the Dome of Lieberman to announce the imminent publication of his own memoir, "If I Didn't Think of It, Its Wrong: A Story of One Man's Search For The Perfect Rant." "I could talk all day, even for weeks at a stretch, on this particular topic," he said to the three reporters who attended the hastily called conference in the Senate Chamber Pots. "If I didn't think the American People didn't want to hear what Obama or the Democrats want to say, I wouldn't not say what I've been saying all along. Which is, I'm saying what the American People have wanted me to say all along. To say nothing of the depths to which they will not sink trying to keep me from saying all the wonderful things I think they ought to hear."
He apparently went on in this fashion for some time, then invited questions from the one remaining reporter, from Foxy News. There is no report on what was asked, as that reporter reportedly failed to report in at the end of the news day, except for a cryptic message left on the station managers voice mail, something about water-boarding, and self-administering, and the faint sound of a strangled cat.
Sessions, later spotted racing across the Mall, was heard shouting to no one in particular, "I said something to somebody who needed it said," or something like that.