Monday, November 23, 2009

A Moment of Calm, Followed by Shear Madness

I noticed today I may need a haircut: I'm getting that Lincecum look, and I don't really need a bong bust now that I'm a star. Of what, you ask? (OK, so you didn't actually ask. But you did THINK it, right? Right? Aw, fugedaboutit.) But my usual day for being shorn is on Thursdays, so I'm a bit SOL this week. And I really don't want to get any hair in the gravy, ya dig? So I thought I would go look for some kind of fashionable hair net, and well, you can guess how THAT turned out. Instead, I decided to wear a skull cap, 'cuz there won't be any Jews or Muslims there, and I figured I'd be able to represent all those out there with so little to be thankful for. But without appearing to be selling any particular brand, especially that Beck brand. You know, the one that always cry's and wets itself whenever someone says "Obama is the President?"

But I do intend to have a bird this year - sorry all you vegans out there, I just couldn't get anyone your size into the oven, so I'm gonna make do with squab. And perhaps a little limbaugher gravy, in case I'm feelin' flu-ish. Usually wipes out most transient life forms on contact, or so I've heard.

And wouldn't ya know it - Aunt Ginny is comin' to the feast this year. We missed her last year when she had to do her fifth turn of service in Afghanistan. So to get a chance to have at least three-fifths of her here is a real blessing. We even promised her the drumstick. Gotta keep her morale up, in case they pull her in for a number six.

And what am I thankful for this year? That I am not David Bohner, or Glenny Beck, or one of those Tea Haggers, Far Wrongers, or Logic Dodgers. That I didn't say anything bad about Diane Feinstein, despite the strong urges. That I have such a dear, dear friendship with so many really great people who actually read the Constitution, and even understand and adhere to its principals. That unlike so many in law enforcement, I didn't feel the need to stomp on the little people, especially aboard mass transit vehicles.

And that I have you, dear reader, to thank for nothing in particular, just to thank, you know, for reading this endless drivel. Without throwing old socks. Or something worse.

Bless you, and toodles.

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