Reports from the Sea of the Potomac today say a giant jellyfish caused the Republicant Platform, upon which stood all the party stalwarts, to lean so far to the right it essentially collapsed, pinning thousands of more moderate Republicants under its vast, overbearing weight. A virtual river of slime, thought to be a mixture of jellyfish drool and Far Wrong Republicant drivel, drowned thousands more. Emergency workers are afraid to go to close to the raging inferno that erupted shortly after the collapse, fueled, it is now thought, by an explosive limbaugh grenade lobbed at the jellyfish, though too late to do any good.
Knowledgeable parties say the best thing to do is let it burn itself out. The Fund for Animals has immediately launched an investigation into the incident, stating "it looks as though the Republicants lured the jellyfish to the Platform with the intention of sicing it on Nancy Pelosi. Early evidence suggests the jellyfish was actually an Independent, who was duped into thinking there would be anchovies at the after-party." Surviving Republicant low-level functionaries had no comment. David Bohner was one of the fallen.
The President declared an emergency, but then realized the rain would take care of the mess, and sent the National Guard home. He did, however, declare a national day of drinking.