Wednesday, November 11, 2009

2012 - The Movie, and The Reality, and The Far Wrong, and, oh, Give It Up, Already!

What is it with some humans always hoping for the end of the species? And most of them are, of course, religulous types, who, on the other hand, preach that "all life is sacred." Havin' a problem with this clear contradiction, I am. The notion of "end times" goes way, way, way back, Sherman, and nearly always from some religulous nut job who has "heard the word" from the center of their own soggy brain. Which they then go on to enlist other soggy brains to "join the cause," who in turn, yada, yada, yada.

So now we get The Movie about the latest variety of soggy thinking. Purportedly based on the "Ancient Mayan Calender," (that none of the current crop of belief-a-holics even have a clue about,) this Hairy-Wood blockbuster is a real bust, perhaps rooted in the belief that, well, Hairy-Wood has been SO successful at scarin' the bejezzus out of people for so long that, why not, lets go for the REALLY BIG SHOW. Let's DESTROY THE WORLD!!! What fun.

So, kiddys, its time for the Propensities of Notumbus to lead you out of the wilderness of soggy brain-dom. Lets start with the notion these latest end-o-time fruitcakes are trying to pass off as fact - that there is this other planet, see, Earth's twin, see, that we cannot yet see, see, because its, well, on the other side of the sun, see, in perfect synch with Earth's own orbit around the sun, see? See? Si!? No?

OK. Try this. This so-called planet, that there is simply zero scientific evidence as to its actual existence, is called, get ready, Nemesis. Wow. That really makes this mythical planet's entire purpose crystal clear, so, hey! It must be true!!! MMMMM, no. See, there is this branch of science called orbital mechanics, see? It has made it possible to, oh, do little things like put humans on the moon. Oh. I see. Some of you soggys think that was a hoax? Right. And we should believe YOU about this "invisible planet?"

Try again, I will. If said Nemesis actually was where the soggys would have us believe, then all the calculations for the orbits of ALL the other planets would be, oh, I don't know, wrong? Is that the word I should use here? And of course all of several thousands of years of observed celestial and solar phenomenon would be comparable to moldy applesauce. Is that it?

Oh, Oh, wait, here's the really good part - this mythical Nemesis will, for no good or logical reason, decide its TIME TO LEAVE ITS ORBIT AROUND THE SUN, AND SNEAK OVER TO OUR SIDE AND, WHAT THE HELL, PLOW RIGHT INTO EARTH!!! Gee, was that too loud? Sorry. Just trying to match tone, ya know.

Puh-leeze. What has gotten so many people to stop believing in basic sciences, and commit intellectual Hari-Kiri by embracing something that doesn't even rise to the name, "pseudo-science?" Claptrap, yes. Ten bricks short of a load, yes, but logic? Reason? FACT? Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no. The Far Wrong, no, the Outer Limits of the Far Wrong have somehow succeeded in brainwashing soggy brains into being even more soggy. Damn, their GOOD at this stuff, eh? They even have some people believing that, hey, so what IF global warming IS true? We won't be around to be bothered with it, so, let's party like its 1599, dammit!

What? The movie? Oh, yeah. It's big, it's scary, it has Big Hairy-Wood Stars, and has cool special effects, like mass stupidity, but otherwise, I'd wait for the DVD. My prediction? Guaranteed to induce mass sogginess in already susceptible humans. And make a wad o' cash for somebody.

P. T. Barnum would have a field day.

See ya on the other side!

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