But Seriously, Folks!

To get back to the roots of this blog, allow me to ruin your day. Achmah-diddy-jah wants to wipe Israel off the map. You-go Chavez wants to wipe that smile off the face of Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam wants to wipe the slate clean in Kabul. The Far Wrong wants to wipe out Liberalism, Socialism, Communism, and Pointillism. And not a-one of them is content to use Easy Wipes - they want to opt for the "Really Big Shoe."

The economies of the World are sinking faster than John Belushi in a bad skit. The cost of curing a hangnail could build a new battleship. H1N1 is coming over for dinner tonight, and he's bringing friends. The new Fall season on ABC sucks worse than the quicksand in the Kalahari. And we STILL don't know the Truth about Bill O'Really's birth de-certification.

Now, most of us have come to terms with all this hoo-haw through the Magic of Rationalization and Denial, staring David Copperfield. But Vegas acts tend to get stale pretty quickly. Well, don't you fret. There IS a solution to your ennui and overall dissatisfaction with the low level of nuclear fear you've had to endure. Its called Global Warming. Or, if you just can't bring yourself to say those two words, global climate shift. Hey, you're right, that DOES feel less worrisome. Thanks!

There is this little bon-mot called "unintended consequences." It is often used to refer to what happens when a government does something extra-special for their "extra-special friends," as opposed to something for their "citizens." Their "citizens" more often than not end up taking it in the shorts. But another, less noticeable consequence of  the "unintended" type is how they serve to keep our eyes OFF the ball. Remember how upset we were with Vietnam? Remember all the noise we made, all the target practice the National Guard was getting, how all the cities went nutty and all? Remember that stuff? Remember Watergate? Oh, we did get upset. "Didn't see that one coming," we all moaned. Well, kiddies, that was because we TOOK OUR EYES OFF THE BALL! Nixon wasn't called Tricky Dick for nothing, but we went and paid WAY too much attention to, oh, sudden-death rock star syndrome or something, and surprise! As my Grandma used to say, Pish. No, not Phish - she only listened to Classical music. Pish, sometimes rendered "Pish-Posh, until some Spicy Girl ruined it for Grandmas everywhere.

We took our eyes off the ball, and we paid the price. In fact, we are STILL paying the price for Tricky Dicknose and His Crime Spree Buddies. See how un-outraged we are at the former Poobah and his sidekick, Georgy-Porgy? After all, we should all know, if it isn't one Dick, its another. The lesson is, if the Guvmint violates the Constitution, they get a pass. But if you or I raise a toke to Mary, watch those asses fry!

Now, you are at this point saying to yourself, "Self, what the hell does all that pish-posh have to do with Global Warming stuff? I mean, sure, all that hot air from the impoliticians, but what's so new about that? Get the hell to the point, dammit!"

OK, sure. Its all about TAKING OUR EYES OFF THE BALL. In this case, more like taking our eyes off the globe. Here's another great saying (I love sayings - I'm always sayin' stuff,) Nature Bats Last. While we are busy ranting and raving about all the other Holy Crap! items that are nothing more than a continuation of the Twentieth Century, the ice caps are continuing to melt. That cute, cuddly canary in the coalmine, the polar bear, is dancin' with the Big Sleep. Weather patterns have gone all Twilight-Zony on us. (BTW, today is the fiftieth anniversary of the first Twilight Zone broadcast. Bless you, Rod Serling!) Hurricanes are far more hurricany, tornadoes are worse than ever, sea levels a'risin', and David Boehner just won't shut up. But are we ready to take this as seriously as we should? Are we ready to start giving up some of our "comforts?" You know, all that stuff we have that poorer countries don't have, but are going to have, whatever it takes? Even if it takes the Big Shitstorm? Hell, no!

We are Humans, dammit! We have the "right" to have whatever we damn well please, and if'n ya try to take it away from us, well, we are better armed than anyone else on the planet. Go ahead and try!

But, I take solace in that afore-mentioned saying - Nature Bats Last. We are as usual taking our eye off the ball, so when we finally drown in the ocean we have so ardently polluted, or are buried under the mountain of junk we all hold so dear, Nature will survive. We will finally shut our collective mouths, and the birds will be able to hear each other again. So I don't really worry too much. Too many people anyway, most of who hold to the belief that all human life is precious, unless its somewhere else, another color, committed a crime, smells funny, or disagree with US. Oh, and no birth control, dammit! God wants more puppies, er, peoples? Anyway, like I said, I don't worry too much - we will achieve zero population one way or another.

Like I said, if it ain't one dick, its another. So take the Pill.