Thursday, October 15, 2009

Is Glenny Beck Really a Higgs Boson?

When CERN's LHC - Large Hadron Collider - finally comes on line this December, it is thought by some rather fringe elements in the scientific community the whole thing might go "blooey" when it reaches energy levels designed to find the mythic Higg's Boson. Others, from the "scienterrific community" believe the Higg's Boson is actually Glenny Beck, who, when summoned by the collider, will erase himself from the Future, as Nature abhors His Vacuum-ness.

"According to the so-called Standard Model that rules almost all physics, the Higgs is responsible for imbuing other elementary particles with mass."

And yet, His Beckiness has so little mass as to enable him to pass through people's minds without leaving any trace. Interesting.

“It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck,” Dr. Nielsen said in an e-mail message. In an unpublished essay, Dr. Nielson said of the theory, “Well, one could even almost say that we have a model for God.” It is their guess, he went on, “that He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.”

He then went on to say Glenny Beck hates anyone who hates Higgs particles, and suggests God may actually be trying to avoid him. (And any Beck-producing machines shall fail to multiply.)

"Dr. Nielsen and Dr. Ninomiya started laying out their case for doom in the spring of 2008. It was later that fall, of course, after the CERN collider was turned on, that a connection between two magnets vaporized, shutting down the collider for more than a year.
Dr. Nielsen called that “a funny thing that could make us to believe in the theory of ours.”

And even funnier if anyone believes in the existence of a Glenny Beck particle of intelligence in the Universe.

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