Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Secret Bath House for Old Men: Fear Abides

There is something I've been puzzling over for quite some time now, regarding the Big Three Head Honcho Cop God Religions. You know - monotheism? Sounds kinda boring, doesn't it? Mono. Mo No. Ma, No! (Didn't I have that back in high school?)  Hell, I went to Quadrophonic way back in the '70s, fer cry-yi. But enough digressing (at least for now.)

Why is it, I ask myself, that most religions, but most especially monotheistic religions, have this thing about women? Come on, you know what I'm talking about, don't you? You don't? Oops. Spoiler alert - this posting is almost certainly going to piss off somebody, but what the hey! Monotheistic religions - Christianity, Judaism, and Islam (oh, just back off - free speech, got it?) especially the more, oh, how can I put this delicately? rigid orthodoxies of aforesaid religions, seem quite afraid of women. No, really!

In Islam, the argument for covering up the gals is that they have this apparent tendency to, well, tempt the boys. Wow. Really? You are so afraid of your own inability to take responsibility for your own emotions and actions that you want to blame those reactions inside you on the gals? Tsk. I mean, that is SO Thirteenth Century, right? And yet, why is it always virgins? Get 'em  while they're still unclear on some basic concepts, right?

And in Orthodox Judaism, gotta make the gals pray in the other room. What's up with that? Afraid they pray to your God better than you do? Or is it that old Adam/Eve crap? You STILL hung up on THAT? That women are what, unclean? Is that like, say, pork? And the wigs, fercryinoutloud! I mean,  don't they already HAVE hair?

Oh, don't think I'm leaving you Christians out of this mess, no siree! Gotta keep 'em reproducin', even if they've been raped, or, oh, I don't know, it might KILL them, but birth that future supplicant anyway, Mom. And higher education? Gee, what do the gals really NEED to know beyond cookin' and birthin', eh? And they have to speak to THEIR God through you old farts? But Whoo-Whee, that Death Penalty? Yesirebob!

Come on! We're in the freakin' 21st Century, ya dig? We aren't still stuck in the freakin' desert, ya know?

And not one of these cults is immune to the real allure - religious warfare, the ultimate in Male Bonding. I recall Tom Lerher getting this one right years back. In his great song, National Brotherhood Week, he sang:

"Oh, the protestants hate the catholics,
And the catholics hate the protestants,
And the hindus hate the moslems,
And everybody hates the jews."

Hell, the entire history of the world is one of internecine religious wars. It don't matter how we cast them - terrorism, or out-right organized slaughter ala Israelis and the Palestinians, or The Inquisition and the Crusades, or the all-time favorite,Let's Kill All The Heretics game.  You remember the Sufi's, don't you? No? Oh, right. All gone now. So  if you don't believe what I believe, then BAM! I'm commin' ta git ya, with the Correct Deity on my side!! Even if we have to hide it under the cloak of some other cover story, admit it - ya just hate each other, right?

But before I stray too far off course, lets look at another aspect of this fear of women, shall we? I mean, what is it really, guys? Each of these religions (remember, I am NOT exempting other religions, or cults, as I likes ta call 'em, I'm just using these as a handy reference guide,) like to dress their leaders up in the latest spring fashions - robes of gold, silver, lame', and whatever plunder happens to fall into their coffers, nice hats, yes, yes!, and of course, pretty cars or whatever totally sweet ride was favored at any particular time. And then there's all that secret ritual stuff, the inner sanctum, the "secret brotherhood," and wow, ritual baths! All while making sure the ladies are at least in the other room,  if not on the other side of the wall, and wrapped up against those tender sensibilities the men-folk seem to have if they even THINK about whats underneath. But at least you guys are gettin' a word in to Allah, God, Jehovah for the mostly unclean gals. Good on you!

But I can't help but ask one question. Maybe one of you holy types out there can clear up for me this one, wee little nagging suspicion. If yer all so into the male bonding, male superiority, we-can-talk-to-god-but-you-gotta-keep-yer-mouths-shut-and-yer-birth-canals-open-gals thing, why is it you are so afraid of the Gays?

Just askin'.


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